Tech Week

Some of you who are not in the world of the performing arts may not know about tech week, so I am here to warn you about it as a public service announcement.  Tech week is an evil thing concocted by a mad scientist living in a volcano somewhere, and it is designed to destroy even the heartiest and most dedicated of artists.  And this week, my friends, is tech week.

Tech week, is a little like Shark Week, but instead of watching shows about sharks, you have to go to long, arduous rehearsals for up to thirty hours a day with no breaks and mostly stand around and get yelled at by people who think you are stupid for the sole reason that you keep doing stupid things.  Being chased by an actual shark would probably be better, because you have a better chance of surviving, and if you don’t survive, at least it will be fairly quick.

To set the scene, imagine that you are putting on a show, and you have rehearsed your part for weeks.  You know exactly where to go, what to do, and how to do it.  Then you are taken to a different place, where all of the boxes you used to walk to have been replaced with walls, and all of the tape on the floors has transformed into dangerous things like stairs.  So you are rightfully confused about where to go now, but then someone starts shining bright lights into your eyes so that it is impossible to see anything, and suddenly you are weighed down by layers and layers of extra clothing and put into uncomfortable shoes.  Finally, a booming voice comes out of nowhere and a bunch of people you can’t see start barking orders at you.  And now do this all day every day for a week.

Actually, the worst part about tech week is the stopping and starting.  To be fair, when you start rehearsing for anything, you start and stop a lot.  You are learning; you are figuring things out.  But once you finally get into your groove, you get sent to the theater, where all the sound and lighting and makeup and costume and prop people are basically having their first rehearsal.  So you gear up to sing your big number, and you hear “Hold please!”  So you wait for them to adjust the lights.  You get ready again, you open your mouth to share your gift with the world (well, the stage manager anyway), and you hear “Stop!”  It is what I imagine the ancient Greeks might have dreamed up for an artist’s hell.

The one good thing about tech week, is that it is only a week long (sometimes less) and at the end of it, the show looks great, and you get to start performing.  A piece of art is born.  But, as with any birth, there are birthing pains, and the horrible 16 hour natural labor of your show-baby is called tech week.