My wife is one of three sisters. She is married to me, her younger sister is married to Uncle Tall Dave, and her older sister is not married at all. Uncle Tall Dave and I get along very well, which is good since we have to spend all major holidays together as the only two adult males in the room. But now it seems that my wife’s older sister is interested in dating and maybe finding a husband and settling down as well. If only it were that simple.
What she may or may not know is that any potential husband of hers will have to be fully vetted and approved by the Brotherhood of Brother-In-Laws, the founding members of which are myself and Uncle Tall Dave. We formed the BOBILs the day he married my wife’s younger sister and we became BILs. The brotherhood has been going strong for years now, and we can’t have just any random guy showing up and messing with our awesome dynamic.
Any potential suitor must first undergo a series of tests, including, but not limited to, paintball, family game night, gift giving drills, nerd trivia, and turkey carving. If he should pass this rigorous and thorough preliminary phase, we would move on to the surprise two hour oral exams. These would consist of us just asking him tons of pointed questions, such as “what are your intentions with our sister-in-law,” and “list three major ways in which the second season of Game of Thrones differs from the book.”
I will be the first to admit that it is going to be tough for my sister-in-law to find a man that meets our requirements, because many of our required traits are exactly opposite of the traits that might make a man an attractive potential spouse. For instance, is he better looking than us? If so, forget about it. We don’t need some hot shot fancy pants Brad Clooney showing us up all the time. Does he get along well with our mother-in-law? Well then he is out. The last thing we need is for the two of them to become best friends and then team up on us in the future and make us do the dishes. No, we are looking for a kind of nerdy, pudgy, milquetoasty guy who occasionally annoys our mother-in-law.
If anyone fitting this description is interested in joining team BOBIL, you may submit an application to us directly. If we do approve you, we would be happy to introduce you to our sister-in-law, although that is really more of a formality. Plenty of time to get acquainted at the wedding, right?! Of course right. So don’t be shy! There is only one spot left in the BOBILs, so time is of the essence. Preference given to candidates with Xbox 360s or PS3s.