Trypanophobia is the fear of medical injections and needles. It can make you pass out from getting a shot, and it can make you attempt an escape from the emergency room back in college and cause the security guards to hold you down while your friends try to explain to them that you are not generally like that. Or so I have heard anyway.
I generally try not to think about my crippling fear of having my skin pierced by a foreign object in a medical way, but it was hard to avoid this morning, as I was at the hospital to have my blood drawn. Here we are, thousands of years in the future, and we still haven’t figured out a better way to get blood out of ourselves than by sucking it out with a needle. One would think that they could just transport it out by now or something, but I guess people have more important scientific research to do, so I was out of luck.
I am happy to say that it has been along time since I kicked a nurse, because I have developed certain methods for dealing with my irrational fear. For instance, I know for a fact that I cannot look at the needle. At all. Ever. If I see it before, or even after, the fact, I’m doomed. I will not be able to control myself and I will do something stupid/illegal. So I look away. No problem. That doesn’t solve everything of course. I still get lightheaded and dizzy, even thinking about what is going to happen. So far I have not been able to solve this problem, but if I keep talking at a rapid pace about stupid stuff, I just might get through the whole thing conscious.
Now the silly thing is, it took about 10 seconds for them to give me a little poke and suck my blood out like the hospital vampires that they are. I barely even noticed. She said I was going to feel a little pinch, and I said “Don’t tell me that! Why are you telling me that!?” and then a few moments later it was all over. Here’s another tip I learned from my wife, who has a similar phobia, but had to endure two pregnancies. Take the little band-aid thingy off right away. Leaving it there just reminds you that something is not right with the world. Once it is gone, the memory starts to fade and you can go home and calmly write a blog about the whole experience without passing out.
So I am happy to report that I survived the morning and did not die, or attack anyone, or try to escape (to be fair, I did have a severe concussion that one time…), and am now safe at home, waiting to see what the lab has to say about my blood. Hopefully It will say my cholesterol is too low and I should eat more bacon double cheeseburgers. Because then it would almost be worth it.