What Happened To Saturday Mornings?

As the parent of two young children, the thing that is most prominently on my mind at all times is: “How can I get more sleep?”  Now that Ruby is in kindergarten, there are not many days left for sleeping in, especially for my poor wife who has to get up for work five days a week.  With church on Sundays, the only day left for truly catching up on sleep is Saturdays.  And this is how it has always been since the dawn of television.  Saturdays are for sleeping in!  Why has no one mentioned this to my children?!  Oh wait, I mention it to them every Saturday morning!  But the thing is, things are different now from when I was a kid.  Back then, it was easy…

SATURDAY MORNINGS THIRTY YEARS AGO
We would wake up at around 5 am and sneak downstairs, making very sure not to wake up our parents, and turn the television on.  This involved flipping a switch of some sort, or perhaps pushing a button.  Then, we would pick which cartoon we wanted to watch, because there were only three channels, and they were all showing cartoons.  Yes there were days that we got up too early and we had to look at the weather vane for a while until they played the national anthem, but we knew that eventually the cartoons would come on, and the quieter we were, and the longer our parents slept, the more of the precious cartoons we would get to watch.

SATURDAY MORNINGS TWO DAYS AGO
My children wake up at 5 or 6 am and run into our bedroom to jump on our sleeping faces until we wake up.  I want them to go downstairs and watch cartoons, but this is impossible.  Imagine me, half asleep, slurring out the directions to my five and two year olds.  “Urrgghhh….*yawn* …, just go downstairs and find the clicker – the grey one – and push the – no the shorter grey one – and push the “TV” button followed by the power button.  Then press the “CABLE” button, and then press “GUIDE,” which will not help you because you cannot read, but if you can find the Disney Channel, it’s number 52, and that should have something appropriate on it, just avoid channels over 100 actually, and, well, nevermind, just hit the “DVR” button and there will be a list of shows you can watch – “Jake and the Neverland Pirates” is the one that starts with a “J” and “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse” starts with an “M.”  No, don’t watch “Bob the Builder,” I know it has two words that start with “B,” but I don’t want you watching “Breaking Bad” by accident and, you know what?  I’m awake now.  I’ll just come downstairs and do it.”

So you see, times have changed and Saturday morning cartoon watching has become too complicated for my children to figure out on their own.  I think we’re close on this one though.  Ruby is learning to read very quickly, and hopefully by this time next year she will be able to operate the DVR without my assistance.  It will be then that we pray that her younger brother doesn’t wake up first.  Which he always does.  *sigh*

Posted in Bad Parenting, Parenting, Television.

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