Here is what actually occurred last night while on a pizza delivery:
Me: That will be $23.79.
Punk: Ok, here’s $24.
Me: (standing, waiting incredulously)
Punk: Soooo, is that it?
Here is what SHOULD have happened:
Version 1
Me: That will be $23.79.
Punk: Ok, here’s $24.
Me: Huh. You know, you may not be aware of this, but it is customary to tip your pizza delivery driver. We use our own cars and spend our own gas driving over here to bring you your food as a convenience to you, and we don’t charge a delivery fee, so what you should do is throw a couple of bucks our way so that we don’t accidentally drop your buffalo wings on the ground. Like this. *splat*
Version 2
Me: That will be $23.79.
Punk: Ok, here’s $24.
Me: Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you wanted your pizza delivered. That’s the amount of money you would have handed me if you wanted to pick up the pizza yourself. My apologies, I will take it back to the pizza place for you. See you later!
Version 3
Me: That will be $23.79.
Punk: Ok, here’s $24.
Me: Oh no. Please, let me get you 21 cents change. You see, either you are going to tip me, and even a lousy ten percent would be another two bucks, or else you are not going to tip me, because you don’t believe in tipping. Zero tip I can live with, but 21 cents? That’s like telling me to go screw myself because you hate me. No sir, either you are going to get me two more dollars, or I am going to give you your 21 cents. In the face! *clink*
Punk: Ow!
Version 4
Me: That will be $23.79.
Punk: Ok, here’s $24.
Me: Is that it?
Punk: What do you mean?
Me: Well, it’s customary to tip your driver a couple of bucks, at least 10%.
Punk: Oh.
Me: Hey, no problem, I will just eat 10% of your food. Let’s see, that’s 1 of your 10 wings, and just under one slice of pizza. I will leave you the crust. *munch* *munch* *gulp*
Version 5
Me: That will be $23.79.
Punk: Ok, here’s $24.
Me: Actually, I have changed my mind. I am not going to deliver this food to you. Goodbye.
Version 6
Me: That will be $23.79.
Punk: Ok, here’s $24.
Me: Ok, here’s a punch in the face. *POW*
In conclusion, I hate that guy. Thank you.