You Just Can’t Talk to Three-Year-Olds

Look, I try to talk to my son, but I have no idea what he is talking about half the time, and I never know how to respond.  Often I will attempt to reply in what I think is an appropriate manner, only to be shouted at in frustration due to my lameness and ineptitude.  Yesterday, we had a conversation that went like this:

Edward: “I don’t have a headache.”

Me: “Oh.  Well, that’s good.”

Edward: “I also don’t have a fruit roll up.”

Me:  “I see…”

Edward: “If I eat pizza, I will have a throw-up.”

Me: “You will?”

Edward: “Yes.  I’ll have the chicken nuggets for dinner.”

Me: “Oh.  I don’t think we’re having chicken nuggets for dinner.”

Edward: “I had pizza for lunch.”

Me: “You did?  Did it make you sick?  Why are you talking about throw-up?”

Edward: “DADDY!  NO!  I’M NOT SICK!”

Me: “Okay, okay!  But why are you…”

Edward: “Your hands are too big.”

I mean, I just don’t know how to respond in these situations.  Will this all become clear eventually?  Will he start making sense to me?  Or am I doomed to be forever confused by my children?  And did he throw up somewhere that I need to know about?  At least he doesn’t have a headache.  Probably because he did not spend any time thinking about that conversation.

And my hands are just right, thank you very much.

I need a nap.

Posted in Edward, Parenting.

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