Look, I try to talk to my son, but I have no idea what he is talking about half the time, and I never know how to respond. Often I will attempt to reply in what I think is an appropriate manner, only to be shouted at in frustration due to my lameness and ineptitude. Yesterday, we had a conversation that went like this:
Edward: “I don’t have a headache.”
Me: “Oh. Well, that’s good.”
Edward: “I also don’t have a fruit roll up.”
Me: “I see…”
Edward: “If I eat pizza, I will have a throw-up.”
Me: “You will?”
Edward: “Yes. I’ll have the chicken nuggets for dinner.”
Me: “Oh. I don’t think we’re having chicken nuggets for dinner.”
Edward: “I had pizza for lunch.”
Me: “You did? Did it make you sick? Why are you talking about throw-up?”
Edward: “DADDY! NO! I’M NOT SICK!”
Me: “Okay, okay! But why are you…”
Edward: “Your hands are too big.”
I mean, I just don’t know how to respond in these situations. Will this all become clear eventually? Will he start making sense to me? Or am I doomed to be forever confused by my children? And did he throw up somewhere that I need to know about? At least he doesn’t have a headache. Probably because he did not spend any time thinking about that conversation.
And my hands are just right, thank you very much.
I need a nap.