You know about the ADHD.
You know about the OCD.
Now, as it turns out, I have a new mental disorder: Caffeine Withdrawal. Yeah, apparently it is now classified as a mental disorder. So I have that going for me.
You know about the Coke.
As much as I love Coca-Cola, I have begun to resent the hold it has over me, my body, and my life. I have been cutting back. I have been drinking less. I have backslid and had more. But the goal was always to get off the stuff. And then, this past weekend, I got sick.
Being sick is a great way to change food habits that you don’t like. It was really only a cold, but for a few days I just drank water and chicken soup. The last Coke I had was at lunch on Friday. It has now been four days. Almost 100 hours without Coke. If I don’t make it to the end of this post, tell my family I love them.
Actually, the first two days weren’t bad. Maybe it was all the DayQuil I was downing to get through my concerts, but I didn’t have the severe headache that normally comes with a day of no caffeine. Other than being super congested, sniffly, and exhausted, I felt fine! In fact, on Sunday night I sat at the dinner table and declared that I was done with Coke, and I had suffered no ill affects from quitting cold turkey. The problem is, I forgot to knock on wood.
I woke up Monday at 5 AM with a massive migraine that two more hours of sleep couldn’t cure. But I took my Advil Migraine, which is the only thing that works for me, and by the middle of the day I was okay again. I was tempted, but I resisted the urge. I did not have a Coke. If this wasn’t the time, then honestly, would the time ever come? I had to quit.
I could feel the headache circling my brain, taunting me, waiting for its chance to get back in and cause trouble, and I went to bed Monday night hopeful that it would not succeed. I woke up at 5 AM again today and googled “How long do caffeine withdrawal symptoms last?” That was when I found out I had a mental disorder. Well, you know, a new one.
Yeah, it is classified as a mental disorder. Symptoms include headache, sleepiness, irritability, lethargy, constipation, depression, muscle pain, lack of concentration, flu-like symptoms, nausea, anxiety, brain fog, dizziness, and heart rhythm abnormalities. So let’s go through the list.
Headache? Check and double check.
Sleepiness? I have been sleepy since March of 2007. It’s called parenthood. Triple check on that one.
Irritability? I don’t feel irritable… Am I? No, I think I’m feeling okay.
Lethargy? How is that different from sleepiness? Well, I guess I can be sleepy and still move about and get things done. I am getting things done. I am not lethargic. So far I’m at 50% symptoms.
Constipation? Well now this is getting personal, but no, I’m doing okay in that department.
Depression? I have been mildly depressed since November, so I guess yeah?
Muscle pain? You know, since giving up Coke, my back hasn’t hurt. I would say I have LESS muscle pain! Hooray!
Lack of concentration? Ummm, go back and read the first sentence of this post. That’s a big yes.
Flu-like symptoms? Yeah, I’ve had those since Friday too, but that is because I have a cold…
Nausea? Nope.
Anxiety? Only when I read the news. Or think about the news. Or go on Facebook. Or think.
Brain Fog? I am always in a brain fog.
Dizziness? I guess a little, but that felt cold-related.
Heart Rhythm Abnormalities? What am I, a doctor? I don’t know!
So I have 7-8 of the 15 symptoms. Not good. But what is really important is how long they are going to last. Because this is day two of waking up with a headache, and I am not eager to repeat that daily. And they tell me that the symptoms should last only 48 hours. So they are lying. Or rather, for some people it could last up to a week. Maybe 12 days. In extreme cases, a month.
A MONTH?! But no, that is for extreme cases. And honestly, despite my fuzzy and inexplicable brain chemistry, I don’t imbibe that much caffeine. I was drinking two or three (little) cans of Coke a day, and they are only 7.5 ounces. So 15-22 ounces a day. Maybe a little more at a restaurant. Max 30. That’s about 70 mg of caffeine per day. Even rounding way up, let’s call it 100. That is how much caffeine one 8 oz cup of coffee has. And some people drink a lot of coffee. I don’t think I am an extreme case.
And you know, I didn’t take anything for my headache this morning, and it is manageable. Yes, I can still feel it lurking in there, but I am going to make it. I might be off Coke for real this time. I’ve made it through the worst of it. Tomorrow I will wake up and be healthier and happier, with no headache!
Knock on wood.