Setting Up a Series of Traps for Your Baby

You know the feeling.  You are sitting at home trying to get something done, but for some unfathomable reason buried deep in the past, you decided to have a baby.  Now the days of getting things done are a distant memory, or were they just a hazy half-remembered dream?  Either way, you are now faced with the daunting task of accomplishing something (this could range from curing a major disease to taking a shower) with a huge obstacle crawling all over you.  And there is really only one hope for you.

I know, I know, they started out cute and giggly, but then they learned to sit up and grab things.  No problem, because you can just sit them in the middle of an empty room.  But then they learned to crawl around!  No problem, you can just put everything up high.  But then, horrifically, they learned to climb, and even walk a little.  Now you are doomed.  As my mother says, “You can’t stop them, you just try to slow them down.”  This is where your last hope lies.  You must set a series of traps and pitfalls for your baby if you ever want to get anything done again.

The secret here is to put up obstacles that will collapse when climbed on, but are basically soft and light.  If you put up a barrier that is hard and heavy, your baby will somehow manage to climb over it, leaving it unmoved.  If you put up a barrier that is hard and light, your baby will pull it down onto it’s head, severely poking itself in the eye.  If you put up something that is heavy and soft, again, your baby will climb right over that thing like it is a baby climbing wall.  But if you can put up something soft and light, your baby will become so entangled in it, that it will give you a few seconds to run over, grab your baby, put it back where it goes, and reset the traps.

Some of my favorite traps include empty laundry baskets, big empty cardboard boxes, and buckets of toys.  Basically anything that makes noise when your baby starts attempting to destroy it will work.  Big piles of blankets seem like a good idea, but you will never hear your baby sneak through those.  On a related topic, if your baby is super fast, you may need to set up a row of traps at each possible escape route.  These babies are wily, and if you blink, you’ll lose them.

I hope that this has been informative and that, whether you are watching your own children, or trying to capture someone else’s baby, you will now have the tools you need to both reign in those tiny destructobots, as well as get something else done.  Good luck, and…oops, gotta go, I think one of my traps just went off….