A Day in the Life

I woke up this morning, as usual, with no concrete plan for the day, other than

1) Pack
2) Learn Music
3) Don’t Lose the Children

This didn’t go well.  I only managed to do one of those three things.  To start with, today was, for all intents and purposes, a Monday.  I know it was a Tuesday, but come on, it was a Monday.  Monday is the day when Simone goes back to work after having been home all weekend.  This means it is the day when the baby screams all day and Ruby whines for Mommy constantly.

Edward woke up the instant Simone closed the door on her way to work.  This was not good for tired Daddy, who had been up too late deciding to become a blogger.  We trudged downstairs and began our Monday morning ritual of cuddling and shouting.  I put him in the Johnny Jump-Up.  I put him in the Jungle Swing.  I gave him tummy time on the floor.  I held him on my lap.  I sat him up in the Bumbo.  None of this made him happy, because every time Edward would start to relax, he would do a quick check to see if I had breasts, instantly realize he had been fooled and that Mommy was still at work, and start screaming again.

I finally got him to sleep in his swing approximately 23 seconds before Ruby came thundering down the stairs at the top of her lungs.  Item 3 on my to do list was suddenly seeming more and more optional.  But Ruby is pretty easy in the morning.  Give her a bubba (milk heated in the microwave for 30 seconds), put on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or Sesame Street, and make sure she has her Disney Princess Gummi-Vitamin.  No problem.  I even got to take a shower!

It was then decided that we should start on the packing, so we took a bunch of stuff off of some shelves, but we really hadn’t packed anything when Ruby suggested we go feed the goats and ducks and cows.  The goats and ducks and cows have been a favorite activity of ours since Ruby was old enough to walk, and it occurred to me that we might not have the chance to go see them again, so I caved in, stopped the “packing,” and loaded the kids in the car.

The goats and ducks and cows live just outside of the White Marsh shopping area, and it’s always fun to stop for a few minutes and feed them some bread.  The cows were not out today, but the goats and ducks were very hungry and, soon enough, so were we.  Costco seemed much closer than home, so we headed there for some pizza, and by the time we got home it was after 3 o’clock.

This was supposed to be Edward’s naptime, but as I mentioned previously, not on Mondays.  On Mondays (or Mondays Tue) this is Edward’s yelling time.  He finally fell asleep at 4:30.  So much for packing, but at least maybe I could learn some music today.  I sat down at the piano, opened my Bernstein score, and then simultaneously realized two things:

1) Simone would be home in less than half an hour
2) Someone had apparently detonated a bomb in my living room

I have, after over seven years of marriage, finally realized a very important and unchangeable direct correlation between Simone’s mood and state of the living room when she gets home from work.  Bernstein would have to wait.  It was quickly explained to Ruby that, at 5 o’clock, any toys still on the floor would be thrown into the trash.  She started on the toys, I started on the dishes.

We made it, just barely.  Simone walked in the door as Ruby was putting the last pieces of her princess puzzle into their box.  Ruby shouted “Mommy, wait, we’re not ready for you yet!” but I assured her that the puzzle was safe.  I sank down into my chair, having not packed a single box or learned a single note, but the children were still here and relatively fine; a successful day.  Maybe now that Simone was home I could get something done.  She walked into the room exhausted from a long day at work, looked at me, and said “What’s for dinner?”  Now I am making tacos.

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Posted in Bad Parenting, Edward, Parenting, Ruby, Stay at Home Dad.


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