An Open Apology to the Guy Behind Me in Line at K-Mart

Out of all of my lifelong regrets, my biggest and most prominent ones are the instances in which I accidentally upset someone with something I did or said, most likely because I was either trying unsuccessfully to be funny, or because I was just not thinking about what was coming out of my mouth until […]

Apology to My Neighbors

Dearest Neighbors, I am very sorry for the incident of yesterday afternoon.  By the time I realized what was happening, it was too late to stop it.  I was carrying a large basket of laundry across the courtyard to the laundry room, and I swear Edward was right behind me for most of the way.  […]

An Open Letter to the Woman Whose Phone Number I Stole

Dear Annoyed Old Woman, I am very, very sorry that I stole your phone number.  It really wasn’t my fault.  I suppose it was a computer error that caused my friends, family, and the pizza place that I work at to call your phone approximately twenty times last Friday afternoon, but I know that this […]

An Open Letter to DirecTV

Dear DirecTV, How are you? It seems like forever since we’ve spoken. Simone and the kids are doing well. Edward is taking little steps and will be walking all over the place before we know it, and we are looking for pre-schools for Ruby in the fall. Anyway, enough with the pleasantries, you loathesome sons […]