An Open Letter to the Woman Whose Phone Number I Stole

Dear Annoyed Old Woman,

I am very, very sorry that I stole your phone number.  It really wasn’t my fault.  I suppose it was a computer error that caused my friends, family, and the pizza place that I work at to call your phone approximately twenty times last Friday afternoon, but I know that this is little consolation.

What happened was this: when I went in to get a new phone, I was offered the chance to switch all of the numbers on my plan to Vermont numbers, and I decided to go for it.  I asked to have numbers that were right next to each other, you know, for remembering purposes, and the computer spit out what it supposed were free phone numbers, available to be transferred immediately.  I know that I only had it for a few hours, but I loved my new number, and so I can only suppose how attached you were to it, having owned it for several years prior to my stealing it.

I thought I had tested the new numbers sufficiently.  I programmed our new numbers into my wife’s phone, and mine, and I called her phone from my brand new iPhone 4 (so shiny!).  Her phone rang, and my name popped up as the caller.  Hooray!  The new numbers were working.  I called everyone that I thought might need to know the new numbers that day, and gave them out cheerfully.

The first sign of a problem came a few hours later, when my wife texted me regarding her conversation with you.  I understand that you called her phone, after receiving several calls and messages from people (mostly from my mother, for which I further apologize), and demanded to know why people had been calling you all day looking for me.  You must forgive my wife’s confusion, as your call came in under my name in her contact list.  She had no idea who you were, or how you had gotten her husband’s phone.  I’m sure that in the future the two of you will get along much better, now that our issues are resolved.

How you and I were both able to call out from the same phone number is still a mystery to me, as is the matter of why my phone received all of the texts to that ill-fated number, and your phone received all of the calls.  I’m sorry that my mother called you upwards of five times.  I’m sorry that the pizza place called you.  I’m sorry that my sister-in-law called you.  I’m sorry for anybody else that may have called you.  I would be super annoyed too.

You will be happy to know that, upon discovery of this issue, I quickly called the AT&T store and, luckily for all of us, Josh did not pick up the phone.  I was put through to Stephen, who solved the matter almost instantly, although none of us could figure out why the AT&T computer was handing out Verizon numbers that had been in service for years.  I can’t 100% confirm that I heard the AT&T computer chuckling under its breath, but I do think I heard it mutter “Heh heh, Verizon.  Yoink!”  We will be speaking to it about its behavior you can be sure.

I’m sure it will set your mind at ease to know that my new new number is working fine now, and that I am no longer laying any claim whatsoever to your personal phone number.  I hope that you can see that it was all just an hilarious misunderstanding, and that it was not my intention to have everyone I know prank call you on Friday afternoon.  So enjoy your phone number.  I know that I loved every minute that I had it (or at least part of it) in my care.

With warmest regards,

Tenor Dad

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