Either Someone Died or My Mother Is Really Annoying

Like all people, every now and again I need to rant about my mother in a public forum that she will read about later.  This is one of those times.

So my wife and I were on our date Friday night, going to see the movie “Argo.”  This is a very fine film, by the way, and you should all see it if you haven’t.  I know you probably have, because it came out forty seven years ago, unless, like me, you have children, in which case you probably haven’t, but it was good.

What was not good was the fact that my mother spent the entire movie calling my cell phone.  As I sprinted out of the theater towards the men’s room at the end of the film, I saw that I had four missed calls and a voice mail from my mother.  This was very concerning to me.  Why would my mother call me so many times?

I listened to the message.  It was a six second long message that said, “Hey, call me as soon as you get this.  Bye.”  She sounded very concerned about something, but had not revealed any details as to why she might be calling me over and over again.  Also odd was the fact that she had not sent me a text message, which she often does.

So now my brain is trying to solve the puzzle.  My mother has called me urgently multiple times.  Whatever she has to tell me, it is not something she is going to leave on a message or write in a text message.  What other answer could there be but tragedy?  I was sure that someone was either dead or hospitalized and so I started freaking out.

I called her back immediately.

“Hello?”

“Mom!  What is it?!  What’s going on?!”

“Oh, I couldn’t find that thing I wanted to get Edward for Christmas.  What do you think he wants?”

“Is that it?!”

“Yes.”

“Why did you call me four times in a row?!  I was at the movies!  Why didn’t you text me that?!”

“Oh, well, I was at the store, so I really wanted to know.  Anyway, I’m coming over to your house now.”

So my message to all of you is that, when you have some only mildly important thing to ask someone, do not call them repeatedly without leaving some sort of message, because it is really annoying, and they will think that one of their family members has become recently deceased.  Thank you.