My mother was watching my children while I was in Mew York for my audition, so when I got home Simone and I decided to have our Valentine’s Day date early, before we had to pick the kids up. Since we were going to a 40th birthday party for Uncle Big Dave (my sister’s husband, not to be confused with Uncle Small Dave, Simone’s sister’s husband) for dinner, we decided to have a nice lunch and go to a movie.
For lunch we decided on Outback Steakhouse, because we never get to eat steak, and we wanted to have something that was the polar opposite from what we would be having for dinner. We were not sure of the menu at my mother’s house, but if you have ever eaten at my mother’s house then you know that we will not be having steak.
After a nice meal, we decided to go see The Illusionist, because it was nominated for an Oscar. It was a beautiful film, and by beautiful I mean “mind-numbingly boring.” Also, the dialogue made me feel like I was playing The Sims. Lots of whah-whahs and buhflazzuhsplehs, but not a lot of real words. Although it may have been in French, I couldn’t tell.
Finally, we spent some time at Target (our favorite place) to get Uncle Big Dave a present before heading over to my mother’s house. This was when we found out that, because he was turning 40, and because it is his favorite food, we were having steak for dinner.
After dinner, so full of steak I could barely move, I waddled over to the living room for the cake and presents. The presents went extremely well, thus requiring a cake disaster to restore balance to the force I suppose. My mother got Dave a lottery scratcher, and he won $500, so that was pretty amazing, and he got a bunch of other good stuff too, basically making out like a bandit. Time for cake.
What happened next is still not entirely clear to me. The cake was brought out, candles aflame, and set in front of Uncle Big Dave. He blew the candles out, and my mother tried to pick the cake up from his lap, with Ruby and Edward on the floor at their feet. And then my mother dropped the cake. Onto my children. It’s a good thing Ruby was there, or I think Edward would have been completely creamed, but, protected by his big sister, Edward was only mildly caked in the face.
Ruby was very upset, and I thought she was going to cry, except that everyone was laughing so hard at this point, that I think she was too surprised to cry. And then she realized that she was covered in delicious cake. Once she started licking the frosting off of herself, she was fine. Better than fine, she was thrilled. You would have thought that getting caked was the best thing that had ever happened to her!
We got her cleaned off and put some new clothes on her (much to her dismay), and set about salvaging as much of the cake as we could. In the end, it was a fine party, with steak and cake enjoyed by all. But don’t let my mother near you with any baked goods. I’m just saying.