He insisted on a bike ride, even though my bike is broken, so I jogged along behind him with the dog straining at her leash, trying desperately to keep up with speed demon Edward. I tried to convince him to stay within eyesight, and this worked for a while, but soon we got closer to that halfway point on our regular route, the playground. Once he got within a few turns of that magical spot, he was gone, out of sight, out of range, and I gasped after him as the dog yanked me forward.
When I finally rounded the final curve I saw his bike resting upright on its kickstand, the boy lost amidst a small throng of about half a dozen children. Luckily I don’t have to see him. I can hear him. You can probably hear him too. He was fine, and not all that interested in playing with the other kids, but rather interested only in doing what they were doing. Once I fully arrived, panting and broken, he broke away from the group to demand that I play with him.
We were on the monkey bars together when a new figure approached the grassy play area. She was in a little red dress and her straight brown hair fell below her shoulders. “Hi Edward,” she said quickly, immediately running off afterward. Two older girls, was one her sister?, received her and they began to climb up the slide.
“Do you know her?” I asked my son.
“Yeah,” he replied casually, focusing on his monkey bars.
“What’s her name?” I asked.
“Oh fine!” he sighed in an exasperated manner, and then he dropped down and ran halfway to her. “WHAT’S YOUR NAME?!” he shouted.
“Bella,” she called back.
“Bella,” he told me as he returned to where I was standing.
“Oh, is she in your class?” I asked him, just trying to make conversation. But he shook his head. “Does she go to your school?” He nodded. Edward is still young enough that there are not that many places he could know someone from. “Well whose class is she in?”
“FINE!” he shouted at me, as he rolled his eyes and galloped over to her once more. “WHOSE CLASS ARE YOU IN AGAIN?!” She gave the answer, and he returned and gave it to me. Ah, so she was in the other kindergarten class. They probably saw each other at recess and lunch and whatnot. I assumed that this interaction was over, and we returned to play.
What my son did not hear, and what I did overhear, was one of those meddling older sisters saying to Bella “I think he has a crush on you.” Wait, what? No he certainly does not! He is 5! Nobody is having any sort of crush on anybody, and besides, I have seen him have a crush before, and this is not it. This is just him being loud and curious, like he does. It was time to get out of there, before things got out of hand. I told Edward it was time to head home, and he got onto his bike again.
“BYE BELLA!” he shouted, in a friendly and clearly platonic way.
“Bye Edward!” she called back. He rode past her, and the dog and I followed.
As I passed the small group of girls, I heard the older one say “He likes you. You should ask him to hang out.”
WHAT?! Uh oh. I was not ready for this. No one is allowed to ask my kindergartener out! We had to run. I grabbed tightly to the leash and I ran for my life. Except they followed.
“He’s getting away!” shouted the older girl. “Hurry!”
YES! Hurry! I could barely breathe, but I couldn’t take the chance that he might stop or slow down, because then he could hear what I was hearing. “Edward! Edward!” Bella was still shouting! We had to make it to the railroad tracks and out of that neighborhood before it was too late. I was sure she was not allowed past the railroad tracks. I turned and saw all of those girls gaining on me. How are these children so fast?!
Just as we approached the tracks he started to slow down. No! Come on! You can jump those! Speed up Edward! Speed up! Things are coming for you and I am not ready for them! Why are you suddenly being careful NOW?! He slowly bumped his bike over the tracks, just as Bella arrived shouting his name. But he did not know why she was shouting.
“BYE BELLA!” he shouted again, as he started to pick up speed again on the other side of the tracks. Hold on, was she still trying to say something? It was time to use my opera powers!
“YES! BYE BELLA! NICE TO PLAAAAAY WITY YOOOOOUUUUUU! BYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEE!” I bellowed, drowning out any sounds she might have been making. I continued to howl and moan until we were out of earshot, leaving the girls standing at the edge of tracks, looking out at us as we left. Phew! We made it. Crisis averted.
Except, doesn’t she go to his school? And isn’t he at school RIGHT NOW?!
Crap.
Welcome to the future.