How To Tell When Your Five-Year-Old Is Coming Out of a Drug-Induced Haze

If you are like me, then you have probably spent the past week in the hospital watching your son sleep. So I know you get it. It’s not all that much fun. But it won’t last forever. Eventually those drugs are going to wear off, or else he will start getting used to them, and suddenly (and without any warning) you will begin to see bits and pieces of your child again. But how can you tell when the fog is starting to lift and the mind of your five-year-old is beginning to clear? Well, here are a few possible signs to watch out for:

1. Button Pushing – We’ve been here for 4 days with nary a button pressed, but then, like an invisible button had itself been pushed, I noticed the bed moving up and down. I noticed the nurses being called for no reason every five minutes. I noticed the TV going off and on, as if possessed by a poltergeist. This was not the work of a sleeping boy. This was the work of a partially awake boy!
2. Attempted Escapes – If you have been lucky so far, your child has possibly not noticed that they now live at the hospital. This will end when haze does. And in the half-haze that ensues, your child will want only one thing: freedom. Freedom from the bed. Freedom from the wires and tubes. Freedom from the room. And most importantly of all, freedom from the building. If you notice that your child has slipped out of bed and is staggering towards the door, pulling everything down around him as he smashes his way out Hulk-style, then he is probably coming out of his drug-induced haze.
3. Nurse Attacks – Again, you have had a few nice days without any nurse attacks, because your child has not been all that conscious. But now that he is a little more awake, he will probably be less okay with all of the poking and prodding and testing and touching. Watch out nurses, my five-year-old is sick of your B.S. If you come near him, he may bite you, or steal your nursey items and try to use them against you. He is suddenly Kindergarten James Bond, and he will defeat you if it is the last thing he does.
4. Screaming Contest – After mumbling and grunting for days, it is now time to test the limits of the human voice (and the human ear drums). If you hear sudden shouting and screaming and singing for no reason at all, this is a sign that the clouds are lifting and clarity and alertness are returning. You may want to purchase ear plugs for this occasion.
5. Happiness – This is the last, and best, sign of all. The dullness is dissipating and suddenly you will see your child laugh and smile again. You will see personality return and joy make an occasional appearance, even stuck in that darn bed. You will find that it is contagious, and your own hope and peace will start to seep back into your weary bones, as you catch glimpses of the child you have not seen in weeks. Perhaps, you think, we might have him all the way back someday soon. And perhaps you will. But for now, you take it day by day, and you thank God that today is a better day than yesterday. And then you pray for an even better tomorrow.