I Am a Dirty, Dirty Man

For those of you trying to lose weight, there are a few tricks that you can use to, ahem, get better results, no matter which method of weight loss you are using.  For example, no one would ever weigh themselves after a huge dinner and expect to feel good about themselves.  Common sense tells us that when you add a bunch of stuff into yourself, your weight will go up by the amount of whatever you just ate.

That’s not a trick; that’s just common sense.  But did you know that you always weigh less in the morning than in the evening?  You probably did.  That’s fairly common knowledge these days, especially among us weight-watching aficionados.  Weighing yourself when you get up in the morning will yield more positive results than weighing yourself in the evening.  So if you didn’t know that, now you do.  You can use this popular rhyme to help you remember: “Weight check in the morning: Sexiness warning!  Weight check at night: Manatee fight!”

I, being an expert on being overweight, always weigh myself in the morning, after using the bathroom of course.  You don’t want anything extra affecting that scale.  But lately I have discovered something else that I was not expecting.  I weigh significantly less after taking a shower than before.

This was odd, because my logic told me that, stepping out of the shower, I would be slightly damp and would probably weigh a teensy bit more, due to my steaminess and whatever water I had not managed to thrash out of my hair.  And yet, after several days of experimenting now, I consistently weigh less post-shower than I do pre-shower.

The first day I tried this my weight was .3 pounds less after my shower.  The second day it was .5 pounds less.  Then .3 again, and then .4 pounds under.  Finally, yesterday, my weight decreased an amazing .6 pounds between the time I stepped into the shower and the time I stepped out.  That is more than half a pound!  If we were rounding to the nearest pound, it would be ONE pound, and not zero!  How do I lose almost a pound just by taking a shower?

Sadly, there is only one answer for this.  I must be the dirtiest person I have ever met.  I have up to one pound of dirt on my body every morning when I wake up, and after showering it all off I am suddenly about half a pound lighter.  Half a pound of DIRT lighter!  Where am I picking up all of this dirt?  I have no idea, but it must be happening.  Otherwise, how can I explain this odd weight discrepancy?  Unless…maybe because of the heat of the shower…do you think…   Could I be shrinking?  Maybe my shower is so hot that I shrink a little bit, and since I am smaller I instantly weigh less!

No that’s stupid.  I am probably just caked in mud when I wake up.  *sigh*

Posted in Shower, Weight.

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