My Carpet Is So Dirty…

I’m not trying to brag or anything here, but my carpet is so dirty, that

– You have to sweep it before you can vacuum it

– You can’t actually see it

– I can’t clean it, for fear of exterminating the Who colony that has moved in

– It has changed colors more times than Michael Jackson  (too soon?)

– It is now a federally protected habitat

– Some men in black suits showed up to investigate the weird markings on it

– We got an offer to buy it from Oscar the Grouch

– Ke$ha refused to walk on it

– Our landlord asked if we would please take it with us when we move out

– We use it for indoor gardening

– They are scouting it as a possible location for a future season of Survivor

– I think it may have gained sentience

Okay, maybe it’s not quite as bad as all all that, but I do need to go vacuum.  I discovered the other day, after disassembling the whole thing, that the belt in my vacuum cleaner had snapped and it hadn’t really been picking much stuff up.  I noticed this when it recently stopped picking stuff up, but I just thought maybe I was bad at vacuuming.  Nope, it turns out it was legitimately broken, and who knows how long it has not really been cleaning effectively!?  So now I am concerned that new life forms may be hiding in my carpet somewhere.  But I fixed the vacuum, so watch out carpet!  I’m coming for you.

Posted in Carpet, Cleaning, Stay at Home Dad.


  1. Our landlord asked if we would please take it with us when we move out” – I think that’s the funniest thing I’ve heard coming from a landlord! LOL Carpets need to be vacuumed at least once a week. Regular carpet maintenance prolongs the life of one’s carpet, and it helps keep the family from airborne bacteria. 🙂

  2. There are several alternative ways to clean your carpet without the use of a vacuum cleaner. A sponge map is an effective alternative way to absorb and get rid of residue in carpets. It’s cheap, lightweight, readily available, and energy-efficient. No matter how dirty a carpet is, if you just thoroughly clean it, you can make it appear like it’s new again. 🙂

  3. “Some men in black suits showed up to investigate the weird markings on it” – Haha. I’m pretty sure the agents will find some new life forms there! Just kidding! Well, cleaning a big and heavy carpet can be quite a hassle. And since your trusted vacuum is broken, you can use your old fashion broom. It will take a little time, but it will definitely sweep the dust particles from the carpet. If you are dealing with bad odors, sprinkle your carpet with cornstarch, and scrub it with water and soap after an hour.

  4. Wow! That really was a dirty carpet. Hahaha! I agree with the other commenters that regularly cleaning the carpet is a must. Not only is it necessary for aesthetic reasons, but for health reasons as well. A dirty carpet can harbor organisms that can cause diseases.

    Chuck Levesque

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.