No Tooth Fairies Allowed

Ruby does not like change.  Even good and natural change causes her to burst into tears at any given moment.  She gets that from me, as my mother will be happy to detail at length the next time you see her.  I hated change growing up, and now my daughter does too.  She hates it so much, in fact, that she did not want her tooth to fall out, despite the promise of a monetary reward from that ethereal trespasser, the Tooth Fairy.

It has been loose and wiggly for months now.  The dentist told us that it would be out any second, and that was in February.  The other night I convinced her to let me wiggle it while we were out getting ice cream.  That was a bad idea.  I gave it a good push, and she recoiled in horror and pain as the blood started to flow from her mouth and we ran into the restroom screaming and crying.  “Just let me pull it out!” I begged.  “It’s pretty much out now!”  No way.  She wouldn’t do it.  And that was on Sunday.

For days she kept that tooth in her mouth, dangling by a thread, refusing to let anyone near her mouth, and completely rejecting the idea that it ought to make way for a new and better tooth.  Yesterday it appeared that her gums were getting swollen and irritated above that one front tooth, so we demanded that she excise it.  She could literally turn the thing sideways in her mouth!  She could push it backward and you could see inside of the tooth!  It was ridiculous!  But she didn’t want to pull it out.  So my wife did it.

Yank!  It came right out.  Hardly any bleeding, since most of that had happened four days earlier in the girls’ bathroom of Friendly’s.  Hooray!  Now the Tooth Fairy could come and give her some money!  We put the tooth under her pullow, and quickly I rushed out to the store for completely unrelated reasons that in no way involved trying to find paper money and/or small presents.  When I returned I found the tooth sitting on the piano.

“She’s sad about losing her tooth,” my wife explained.  “so it’s on the piano.  She’s not ready for the Tooth Fairy to come.”  Yes, you read that correctly.  My daughter would rather have a dirty old (but apparently comforting) tooth, than money or gifts.  Because the tooth should not have come out.  It was too early.  We ripped it from her poor little head before its time, and now there has to be a mourning period.  No matter that the new adult tooth is already through the gums and visible now that the old tooth is out of the way.  It was still not time.  So we have to keep it.

What she’s planning on doing with the tooth, I have no idea.  Hopefully tonight it will go under her pillow, be exchanged for goods and/or services from the Tooth Fairy, and we can move on to the next tooth, which is very loose and really ought to be coming out soon too.  Or, you know, we could just leave them all in forever, and she could have the old ones fused onto the new ones and have really, really long teeth.  Maybe that is her plan.  All I know is that if she leaves it lying around the house for too long, it is going to be eaten by either a puppy or a brother, and then nobody’s going to be happy.  So here’s hoping that she can move forward to a place where she can tolerate change.  And if not, I’ll just tell the Tooth Fairy to leave bills instead.

Posted in Money, Parenting, Ruby, Tooth Fairy.


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