Rap Music Is Music, But It’s Still Okay To Hate It

Back in the arrogant days of my youth, I firmly declared to anyone that would listen that rap was not real music.  Where were the notes?  Where were the pitches?  It was all just yelling and thumping as far as I was concerned, and I have heard this argument repeated by many other grumpy old people as the years have worn on.  But now, having various degrees in music, and realizing that my younger self was kind of an idiot, I have come to a better understanding of the subject of rap music, and why I still think it generally sucks, and why that’s okay.

On the way to earning my degrees, I learned that music consists of a variety of elements, including, but not limited to, pitch, rhythm, timbre, dynamics, texture, harmony, and form.  I learned that rests in music are equally as important as the sounded notes, and that a musical composition can have as many, or as few of these elements as the composer wishes.  Some pieces call for a lot of dynamic change, and some for not much at all.  Other pieces may have a lot of interesting rhythms, but not much going on harmonically.  One could hardly argue that the drum solo at the beginning of “Wipe Out” by The Surfaris is not part of the song and is not music.  But what if the whole song was just a drum solo?  Would it still be music?  The answer, of course, is yes.  A musical composition can consist of rhythm, dynamics, texture, and form without including changing pitch.  So technically, if you just yelled rhyming lyrics in a rhythmic way over a thumping back beat, that would be considered music.  Case closed.

So rap music is indeed music.  And I like music.  Why, then, do I suffer so much at the end of my pizza shift, as my co-workers blast the musical stylings of “Lil’ Wayne” aka “Whizzy Q. Baily” aka “Junior Birdman” aka, well tons of other things apparently, over the radio?  I must say, I do not enjoy the type of music in which someone is basically talking in rhythm over a beat or a hook.  Even if your rhymes are clever (and they generally are not), I would respond to them in a more enthusiastic way if you could at least write a little melody for them.  And honestly, most of these songs end up sounding like the rhyming game I used to play in college with members of my a cappella group, in which we would annoy all the other members of the group by changing the last word of a lyric over and over again, until the rhymes were so ridiculous that everyone wanted to punch us in the face.

Sample College A Cappella Lyric:
I made up my mind, Ain’t wastin’ no more time.  I made up my mind.  I’m fallin’ over you

Sample Rhyming Game:
I’m fallin’ over shoes.
I’m fallin’ over glue.
I’m fallin’ over dudes.
I’m fallin’ over kangaroos.
I’m fallin’ over Winnie the Pooh.
I’m fallin’ over *POW* (that was us getting punched)

This, as you can see, was very annoying.  But just look at this sample lyric from Small Wayne!
…damn, pardon the gram
…feel like I’m a part of the fam
…like some sort of exam
…lions, horses and rams

What?  Rams?  Okay, you are really stretching for a rhyme there buddy.  Anyway, the point is, for whatever reason, I am not a fan of this musical style.  Now, to explain this I am going to have to make some broad generalizations, and for that I apologize in advance, but here I go.

People of African descent generally like rap music more than people of European descent.  I know, I know.  I’m sorry white people, I know some of you like rap music, and yes, Eminem is a fine rapping gentleman, but as I said, it is a broad generalization, with many exceptions I’m sure.  But why is this (broadly) so?  What is it about African Americans that makes them good at rapping, and more inclined to enjoy it, than us white folk?  Because even though I am saying that rap is kind of terrible, I am readily admitting to liking tons of terrible music myself.  I loves me some cheesy pop music.  Give me a dominant followed by a tonic and I am in heaven.  And if a sub-dominant precedes it?  Well!  You’ve got yourself a song!  I-IV-V!  I-IV-V!  Why do I love it so?

The answer, my friends, is history.  Hundreds of years ago, people in Africa were listening to stuff like this:

What were the Europeans listening to?  This:

So is it any wonder that white people are terrible at rapping, and often don’t get it?  The closest to rapping that white people ever got was this:

So if you don’t like rap music and you are white, don’t feel bad!  It’s not in your tradition!  And if you do like rap music and you are white, hey, this is America!  The great melting pot!  We can listen to, and enjoy, music from all sorts of fun cultures.  Good for you for expanding your horizons!  I wish I could join you, but I just can’t seem to get into it.  And that’s okay.