Santa’s Living Conditions

Yesterday my six year old and I were having a conversation about what time Santa would be getting home after doing all of his Christmas deliveries.  Then this other conversation happened.

Me: “Well, I’m sure Santa was very happy to get back to his house.”

Ruby: “Daddy!  Santa doesn’t live in a HOUSE!”

Me: “He doesn’t?”

Ruby: “No!”

Me: “Well, where does he live then?”

Ruby: “In his workshop.”

Me: “He lives in his workshop?”

Ruby: “Yes.”

Me: “So, like, in an apartment above the workshop?  Or does he sleep on the work benches after the elves go home?”

Ruby: “The elves do not go home.”

Me: “Huh.  But, does he have his own room at least?”

Ruby: “No.”

Me: “So he just sleeps on the floor all year?”

Ruby: “Well, he lives in a shed that is connected to the workshop.”

Me: “Santa lives in a shed?!”

Ruby: “Yes.”

Me: “How big is this shed?”

Ruby: “About the size of our bathroom.”
     Editor’s Note: Our bathroom is remarkably tiny.

Me: “What?!  Does he have a kitchen or a bathroom or anything?”

Ruby: “No, he just uses the bathroom in the workshop.”

Me: “Does the workshop have a kitchen too?”

Ruby: “When Santa gets hungry, he pushes a button in the shed and the elves give him food.  There is a dessert button and a healthy food button.  He likes the dessert button.”

Me: “So he never gets to decide what to eat?  Does he get the same thing every time?”

Ruby: “Well, there is a breakfast button, a lunch button, and a dinner button, and when he pushes them a list of choices drops down and he tells the elves what he wants.”

Me: “Well, that’s a little better.  It’s like room service I guess.”

Ruby: “No, it’s like a restaurant!”

Me: “Oh, sorry.  Wait, if his shed is the size of our bathroom, can he even fit a bed in there?”

Ruby: “Yes, on the ceiling.”

Me: “On the ceiling?”

Ruby: “Yes.  And it is upside down.  Rudolph flies him up there every night?”

Me: “So Santa sleeps upside down, hanging from the ceiling?  Like a bat?!”

Ruby: “NO!  He sleeps in his bed!”

Me: “And how would you even fit a reindeer in there if the shed is so small?”

Ruby: “Rudolph is tiny.”
Me:  “Oh.  So, does the bathroom in the workshop have a shower?”

Ruby: “No.”

Me: “Then how does Santa get clean?”

Ruby: “He just goes swimming outside.”

Me: “At the NORTH POLE?!”

Ruby: “Yes.”

Me: “So you’re saying that Santa lives in a tiny shed and never showers and pushes a button when he wants food, and sleeps on the ceiling?  Where did you hear this?  Are you making this up?”

Ruby: “Daddy, think about it.  It just makes sense.”


Posted in Christmas, Ruby, Santa Claus.

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