Today, the president of the USofA, Mr. Barack Obama is coming to Vermont. I know this because it is all over the news. It only happens once in a great while that we have a presidential candidate in our state. Sure, they make the obligatory quick stop, but they know that they are not going to make a difference one way or the other. Vermont is going to vote Democrat in the next election, so why bother showing up? The last time Vermont voted Republican was right before they turned all crazy and evil. We were good through Reagan, but we’re done now, thanks.
So if you live in Vermont, it is very exciting, and extremely hard to avoid this crazy mess that happens any time a sitting president goes anywhere. The highways are going to be closed in random 15 minute intervals, and not just the interstate, but major state routes as well. How I am going to get to school and take the kids to the doctor’s this afternoon I don’t know. At least most Vermont residents do not own cars. They are too busy chewing cud and whatnot.
To me, the funniest thing about the president’s visit is the sudden and constant appearance of orange vested fellows picking up trash alongside the interstate. Let me tell you, I have been back in the state for a good year and a half now, and I drive on the interstate every single day, and I have never once seen an official trash clean-up crew. But now, good heavens, the president is coming! We didn’t think he was ever coming back! Quick, everybody clean up!
How embarrassing! Trash on the side of the road! Get crews out there! Everybody in the state, this is a mandate from the governor! Clean your rooms! What if the president comes over to your house?! And what if he sees that you have not vacuumed in over a week!? Hurry everyone! Clean!
Don’t get me wrong, I think we should have clean highways, and I think that people who litter should go to Hell. At least that’s what I told my mother when I was three and trying to think of the worst sin I could imagine. But seriously, we can’t just sweep it all under the carpet just because our favorite person in the world is coming over. We should have a clean state all the time! Don’t think Obama doesn’t know what you’re doing. He has secret service agents scouting the area days ahead of time, and they are totally reporting back to him on this last minute clean-up thing.
So let this be a lesson to us all. If we kept our state the way we want it in the first place, we would not have so much work to do when somebody special comes over. It would save us a lot of hassle. But for now, just pray the president doesn’t look behind that one tree…
I’ve seen official clean up crews every May as part of Green Up Day.