– If your kid doesn’t get their nap, they will be overtired and won’t fall asleep well at night. But if your kid gets a good nap in, they will be well rested and not at all tired at bedtime.
– The more kids you have, the more helpers you have around the house to help with chores. But the more kids you have, the more chores there are to begin with, so you end up with too much work either way.
– Kids only eat food at restaurants if you don’t order them anything.
– You can tell your children a thousand times to do something, and they will not remember, or they didn’t hear you, or they didn’t understand. And yet somehow they quickly recall that thing you said under your breath while they were in another room three weeks ago, and they repeat it at just the wrong moment.
– Whatever snack you did not buy at the store this week is automatically their favorite snack.
– If you bring them a plate of food that is not cut up, but needs to be, they will sit there and stare at it until you cut the food for them. That is, unless you bring them a plate of cut up food, in which case they will throw a fit because they wanted to cut it up themselves.
– Kids are so expensive that you need several jobs just to afford them, which you would happily get except that then you wouldn’t be able to afford the childcare.
– If you leave your children with someone else, and you explain in detail all of the terrible behaviors that may erupt from your offspring at any given moment, that pretty much guarantees that they will be perfect angels the entire time you are gone. It’s those poor people to whom you say “They should be fine, I won’t be gone long” that had better watch out.
– When you’re with your kids, you need a break. But when you are away from them, you can’t stop wishing they were with you.
– Your children will do the sweetest, cutest, coolest, most amazing things…right up until the exact moment that your camera is out.
– You will repeatedly want to hug them and strangle them at the same time.
– The only way to keep a house clean while there are children living in it is to have no children living in it.
– Everything in your life changed once you had kids, and yet you can’t even begin to imagine what life would be like without them.