Why do we even need a government? I mean, look, we have plenty of laws, so there’s no reason to have a congress at all. Let ’em shut down! Who needs ’em?! And we’re getting the health care anyway, regardless of whether or not the government shuts down or not. It’s all pre-funded and in place, so we don’t really need any government for that. And having no government might be better for all of us anyway!
If there is no government, we no longer have to worry about oil drilling, fracking pipelines, and the carbon death of our planet, because no permits for that sort of thing can be issued. Hooray! The Earth is saved! And if there is no government, that means no raids on poor immigrants who can’t find their documents. Amnesty for all illegal aliens! Our mercy knows no bounds! This is like a liberal paradise! I can’t believe it’s a Republican idea!
I do need the postal service to operate, as it is the one government service I use almost every day, but since it is self-funded it won’t shut down anyway, so we’re cool. I will still get fliers from Bed, Bath, and Beyond every day. And hey, none of us have to worry about IRS audits in a post-shutdown world either. The less government we have, the closer we get to utopia!
Of course millions of people will lose their jobs. That’s not so good. And the country will be run exclusively by evil corporations, so not really a change there, although perhaps their evil will have to be a bit more direct and transparent than when they were just paying the government to carry it out for them, so in a way that might be a good thing, because we’ll be able to see it coming sooner.
Depending on which office you sent your forms in to, some passports won’t get processed anymore, but why anybody would want to leave ‘Murica is beyond me. Those people sound like Communists terrorists. They’ll stay here, and they’re like it. An no, they won’t be able to visit any national parks, the Grand Canyon, the Statue of Liberty, any of the Smithsonian Museums, the National Zoo, or pretty much anywhere else cool, but I am assured that all of the bowling alleys and go-kart tracks will remain open, so that seems like a good compromise.
I’m not sure what all of the people who rely on government support and services will do without the help and treatment that they need, but most likely they will form some sort of giant mob and start attacking rich people, which is actually what they should have done awhile ago, except that rich people gave them iPhones and they got distracted. So balance will be restored. Let them eat cake.
Another effect of a lack of government is that our roads will stop getting fixed, which will lead, eventually, to a lack of roads. This means that people will probably drive less, further reducing emissions, and ushering us into a new golden age. Either that or they will finally invent flying cars that don’t need roads. Personally, I would be cool with either of those options.
So, after examining all of the facts, it seems like we don’t need the government after all, and the world would be a better place without it. I mean, we don’t have a government right now, and no rioting looters have broken into my house yet, so I think things are going to be just fine. And someday we will shake our heads and look back on the days when the NSA was reading all of our e-mails, and our kids will say “What’s an NSA?” And then they will say “What’s e-mail?” Well, they won’t say it, they will transmit the information directly into our brains obviously, but you get the idea. The government is dead. Long live the government!