Last year I read an article that said that kids these days don’t know that when you point to your wrist it means you want to know what time it is. Supposedly this is due to the fact that they no longer wear watches; they check the time on their phones. This is very annoying, because now how am I going to get the time if I am surrounded by young people and I have forgotten to put on my watch? What can I point to? Obviously speaking to young people is impossible, since they only talk in weird texting language. “OMG, I totally heart that!” and the like.
This got me to thinking. What other signals will young people soon not be able to understand due to their horrible affliction of stupid youth? And then it hit me. The tried and true, classic for a reason, previously untouchable banana phone. Clearly, when you want to play “phone,” and there is only produce available, you grab a banana phone.
But phones don’t look like that anymore! They are all flat and boxy now. Children need a new food item for when they play phone. And so I have come up with a perfect solution. World: I give you the potato phone.
Potatoes look way more like my iPhone than bananas do! It only makes sense that they be introduced to the children of the future as the perfect new phone substitute. They also have far more surface area than a banana, so it is much easier to text and access all of your apps on a potato.
I tried just using the flat palm of my hand to indicate that I wanted someone to call me on their smart phone, but it kind of just looked like I was super excited about a nap.
Hopefully this issue will not affect us as soon as the banana issue, due to the current proliferation of “Call Me Maybe” videos in which participants (including famous young person Justin Bieber) use the classic hand sign to indicate that they wished to be called, but consider yourself warned. The day is coming when we will need a new hand gesture for telephones. Start thinking about it, and if you come up with a good one, let me know.