Things I Never Thought I’d Say

I said every one of these things yesterday.  For real.

“Stop throwing onions at the cat!”

“If you brush your teeth one more time, you’re getting a time-out!”*

“Who put my keys in the refrigerator?”**

“Ow!  You just Gangnam Styled me in the shin!”**

“Come back, this is not a cat alert!”***

“Why is there a bite out of every one of the apples?”**

“Do not feed Cheetos to the cat.”**

“Don’t tell him not to do it!  It just makes him do it!”****

“Why are the carrots frozen again?”**

“It looks great, but the snowman looks like he is being prepped for surgery.”*****

*Don’t worry, we believe in oral hygiene, but Edward, who is 2, has decided that he needs to brush his teeth every five minutes, which mostly involves me finding him sitting in the sink covered with toothpaste.

**It was Edward

***A “Cat Alert” is when we open the front door and the cats are waiting, crouched to escape.  This delights the children, because they get to chase the cats back into the house.  Sometimes though,  they just like to run in hissing and waving for no reason.

****Seriously, I know you don’t want him to wreck your puzzle, but shrieking in Edward’s face if he even looks at you only makes him want to come over and see what all the shrieking is about, and, oh, hey, look, something to destroy!

*****No, I am not a mean parent.  I said this to my wife.

P.S. – The onions thing was Edward too.

Posted in Edward, Parenting.

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