As some of my long-time readers will remember, a few years ago I wrote some limerick parables, mostly just to annoy my friend in church choir. These went over pretty well, so I added some haiku parables as well, and just to beat a dead horse, I went ahead and translated them over into sonnet parables. I figured I was done at that point, but then I got really bored yesterday and wanted to challenge myself a bit more. And so, for no apparent reason, I now present to you, in a rigid, yet poetic form, villanelle parables!
1) A man was beaten by some vicious thieves
They took his stuff and left him there to bleed.
Now we’ll see who helps and who just leaves.
A priest walks by and, oh, what’s this he sees?
Some blunt force trauma? Hmmm, apparently
a man was beaten by some vicious thieves.
But does the priest assist him? Christian, please!
He has to write his sermon for next week!
Now we’ll see who helps and who just leaves.
So goodbye priest, but that was just a tease.
For now a Levite’s coming on the scene.
A man was beaten by some vicious thieves.
Wait, what’s a Levite? Oh, so that just means
he’s from the tribe of Levi. Ah, cool beans.
Now we’ll see who helps and who just leaves.
Oh, bye Levite! (He had someplace to be)
Could that Samaritan hear this guy’s plea?
A man was beaten by some vicious thieves
Now we’ll see who helps and who just leaves.
2) My brother, he hardly does any work!
He doesn’t help out in the fields like me.
I’m telling you man, he’s a total jerk
Like one time, (and now I’m completely irked)
he asked Dad for all his inheritance early!
My brother he hardly does any work!
And even with all of the tasks he’s shirked,
Dad gave him the money so he just took off!
I’m telling you man, he’s a total jerk.
So he’s out there living, enjoying the perks,
just whoring and drinking while I’m back here plowing…
My brother, he hardly does any work!
And then guess what I heard from my buddy Kirk!
My bro lost his fortune and lives in a pig sty!
I’m telling you man, he’s a total jerk.
So then, of course, he shows back up smelling all farty,
and what does Dad do? Effin’ throws him a party!
My brother, he hardly does any work!
I’m telling you man, he’s a total jerk.
3) Hey, where the heck is my favorite sheep?
I swear he was here like an hour ago…
That’s what I get for going to sleep.
All was still. No one was making a peep.
I couldn’t help it, my eyelids were heavy…
Hey, where the heck is my favorite sheep?
Now through the woolly collection I creep,
counting them up. 98…99…
That’s what I get for going to sleep.
I’m so frustrated I just start to weep.
Stumbling onward I shout to the night:
Hey, where the heck is my favorite sheep?
The mountain is high and the valley is deep,
but I press forward and leave the rest grazing.
That’s what I get for going to sleep.
How can I ever explain to my boss?
One night on the job and a one percent loss!
Hey, where the heck is my favorite sheep?
That’s what I get for going to sleep.
4) We’ve got more food around than we can eat
Any ideas on what we should do?
I’m sure we know someone who deserves a treat.
A party you say? That’s perfect. That’s neat.
I will go and tell your friends
We’ve more food around than we can eat.
Hey friend, there’s a party. We’ve saved you a seat!
You’re busy? You don’t want free food?! Well, okay…
I’m sure we know someone who deserves a treat.
What’s up, other friend? I’ve got news that is sweet.
The harvest is in and you’ve got to come over!
We’ve got more food around than we can eat.
So sorry boss, they all declined and now I’m beat.
I asked every guy on this list. That’s it.
I’m sure we know someone who deserves a treat.
Those guys who are laying out there in the street?
Well, yeah, they don’t look busy. I’ll set up a meet and greet.
We’ve got more food around than we can eat.
I’m sure we know someone who deserves a treat.
5) Did you ever want something so bad
it completely took over your life?
Would you give up everything you had?
Once I knew this guy, his name was Chad.
He saw this really expensive pearl.
Did you ever want something so bad?
It was too expensive for the lad.
But that didn’t stop him. He was hooked.
Would you give up everything you had?
Turns out all his stuff just made him sad.
All that other junk was not the pearl.
Did you ever want something so bad?
So he sold his house back to his Dad.
Put the rest on Craigslist and eBay.
Would you give up everything you had?
So he bought the pearl, and that was it.
So content, but with nowhere to sit.
Did you ever want something so bad?
Would you give up everything you had?
6) Tell me, how does your garden grow?
I have seen you plant the seeds.
Will you reap more than you sow?
I like this place. I like its flow.
What are you planting here anyway, wheat?
Tell me, how does your garden grow?
I think your neighbor is jealous, you know?
I swear I saw him last night in your fields.
Will you reap more than you sow?
This is not gossip. I’m serious, yo!
I’m thinking sabotage. Check out your crops.
Tell me, how does your garden grow?
Yeah, see? I knew it! It’s weeds! Get the hoe!
Oh, but they’re tangled all up in the wheat.
Will you reap more than you sow?
I guess when the wheat gets as high as it needs,
just harvest ’em both and then burn all the weeds!
Tell me, how does your garden grow?
Will you reap more than you sow?