For those of you considering the question of whether or not to vaccinate your children, a shocking new study has concluded that every single person who has received a vaccination of any kind has either died, or is expected to die at some point in the next century. If you or your children have been vaccinated at any point, you should immediately begin preparing yourself and your family for the tragic inevitability of your impending demise.
The most terrifying part of what this study suggests is that this terrible reaction is not limited to any one vaccine, but in fact includes all known vaccines that are currently being administered in the United States and abroad. Apparently, sticking a needle full of disease into your arm not only does not prevent eventual death, but actually guarantees it. When pressed as to whether or not this was a regional issue, doctors stated clearly that all vaccinated individuals, regardless of location, would indeed experience a sudden, or possibly drawn out death. Causes of death among vaccinated persons ranged from cancer, heart disease, automobile accidents, bear attacks, terrorism, and accidentally shooting themselves during a gun safety demonstration.
For those of you still worried about the completely made-up link between vaccines and autism, you can set your minds at ease, knowing that there is something real to worry about now. These sobering statistics are proof enough of the dangers of vaccination. Some specific revelations of the study include the fact that, out of all of the people to receive the first smallpox vaccines in the late 1790’s, there are currently no survivors. Even more chilling is the fact that not a single person who was inoculated for smallpox in the 1800’s is alive today. The study also reveals that many of the people who received polio vaccinations in the 1950’s and 60’s have also died, and those who are still living are expected to die within the next several decades. The facts are clear. The mortality rate for vaccinated people is 100%.
The study did not include other information it gathered, such as the fact that vaccinated people tended to have fewer horrible diseases and contributed to overall societal health, but in light of the clear danger posed by this prevalent “pseudo-science” this is understandably omitted. When pressed about what, if anything, concerned citizens could do to prolong their lives, a panel of doctors and scientists confirmed that, while death was inevitable, a healthy diet and proper exercise may at least slow down the deadly effects of living. Other suggestions for prolonged earthly existence included de-stressing your life by not thinking that everything was going to kill you and your loved ones, and a complete abstinence from watching daytime talk shows and reading online articles with vague and/or misleading headlines.