You Never Get a Good Prognosis From Dr. Internet

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This is just a quick reminder that, when you are having a health issue and are unsure of what might be going on, you should never seek the advice of that nefarious quack, Dr. Internet.  Yes, he has a diagnosis for you, but trust me, you do not want to go down that rabbit hole.

Sure, he won’t breathe fire on you like Dr. Agon, or suck out your blood like Dr. Acula, but even so, you are not in good hands with Dr. Internet. You see, Dr. Internet is a pessimist who deals solely in worst-case scenarios. Every previous patient with your set of symptoms that has met with a tragic fate is the preferred topic of conversation during your desperate, ill-advised consultation. If you are looking for fear and panic, Dr. Internet is your guy.

Oh, you have a headache do you? Well this other guy had a headache once and now he is dead. Fatigue? Cancer. Nausea? Cancer. Chest pains? Cancer. Paper cut on your thumb? Cancer. Whatever it is that ails you, have no doubt that it is going to kill you. Possible side-effects of visiting Dr. Internet include: anxiety, loss of sleep, loss of appetite, and insanity.

The thing about Dr. Internet is that he is very convenient. He makes house calls. He is open 24/7. He remembers what you asked about last time and is happy to re-suggest it to you. He really seems to care, and is very concerned for your well being. Do not be fooled by this. He does not care about you. He cares about clicks. And his bedside manner is terrible. Do yourself a favor and go see a human doctor.  You will fare much better if you ignore the anecdotes and alarmist attitude of everybody’s go-to Doomsday-8-Ball, Dr. Internet.

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Posted in Doctors, Health, Internet.

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  1. Pingback: So Long 2015, You Glorious Bastard | Tenor Dad

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