Yesterday I read a rumor article online suggesting that they may do the new Ghostbusters movie (you know, the one that is never going to happen) with an all-female cast of Ghostbusters. And this sounded awesome. I don’t know who they would get to play the new Ghostbusters, if they would simply cast four hot young actresses, or if they would try to have them fit the original roles, type-wise, but it still sounded awesome. It made me want to start repeatedly dream-casting the new female Ghostbusters movie in my mind. And then it made me think some more. What if they relaunched all sorts of classic blockbuster films with females taking over the iconic male roles?!
I have listed some of my own choices below. Let me know what you think! Do you like my casting, or are there other actresses that you would sub in for these hypothetical remakes? Or, even better, what other films do you think would rock with a little bit of gender bending? Comments: away!
Starring: Emma Stone, Ellie Kemper, Anna Faris, and Mindy Kaling
Smart scientist? Emma Stone. Overeager, almost childlike in their enthusiasm scientist? Ellie Kemper. Playa scientist who’s just in it for the sex? Anna Faris. Non-scientist who can’t believe she is only making 11.5 for this work? Mindy Kaling. Please make this movie. Right now. These are your four Ghostbusters. You could also cast newly minted movie star Chris Pratt in the Sigourney Weaver role, since he is married to Anna Faris anyway. I would love to see her mack on him while he feigned disgust. And as for nerdy Louis Tulley? How about Linda Cardellini? I always want her to be in more things, and she nerded out so well as Velma.
2) Back to the Future
Starring: Chloë Grace Moretz and Jane Lynch
Before I even get into casting the iconic role of Marty McFly, can I just say how much I want to see Jane Lynch play Doc Brown? Now that I’ve imagined it, I can’t stop imagining it! But casting Marty is harder. You want someone who can really act, but still pull off casual teenager while embracing the ridiculousness that is going on. I picked Chloë Grace Moretz, based on what I have seen of her in Kick-Ass and Hugo. But this is a tough one.
3) Raiders of the Lost Ark
Starring: Scarlett Johansson
There is really only one role to cast when you are talking Raiders, and that is Indiana Jones. Sure, there were plenty of other people in that movie, and some fine actors as well, but come on! We only care about Indiana Jones! Angelina Jolie kind of already played him in “Tomb Raider,” so I don’t want to be repetitive, plus, although she’s about Harrison Ford’s original Indy age right now, by the time all of the big time Hollywood producers read this post and get the movie started, she would be well into her 40’s. So who in their 30’s would make a whip-ass Indiana Jones? After seeing her as the Black Widow, I have to put my money on Scarlett Johansson. She has the star power to headline this movie, she is about to turn 30, and I would pay all of the moneys to watch her put on a fedora and fight Nazis in the jungle/desert. And Indiana could easily be a girl’s name, so you wouldn’t even need to re-brand!
4) The Shawshank Redemption
Starring: Jennifer Lawrence and Viola Davis
Have you seen “Winter’s Bone?” If not, please go watch it immediately and come back. I’ll wait. Now tell me that Jennifer Lawrence, while a bit younger than Tim Robbins perhaps, is not the perfect actress to bring this prison redemption story to life. And Viola Davis needs to be in more movies. Every movie she is in she ends up stealing all of the awards and nominations, so let’s give her a real lead here. Morgan Freeman won’t mind.
5) The Lord of the Rings
Starring: Emily VanCamp, Nina Dobrev, Helen Mirren, Keira Knightly, Salma Hayek, Jennifer Garner, Mila Kunis, Kaley Cuoco, and Melissa Rauch
Emily VanCamp as a Hobbit hero. Nina Dobrev as her best friend. Helen Mirren as a powerful wizard. Keira Knightly as a perfect elven warrior. Salma Hayek as an angry dwarf. Jennifer Garner in full-on Alias mode as a wandering human princess of Gondor. Mila Kunis as a traitorous human. Kaley Cuoco and Melissa Rauch as two goofy, hungry hobbits. I like it. And condense the whole thing down to one 3-hour movie, but with a 14-hour extended cut released on the Blu-Ray. For true fans only.
6) The Goonies
Starring: This is Ridiculous. By the time I even post this they will all be too old anyway. *sigh*
I’m less concerned with sticking to the original character molds for this one; I just think a group of girls on an underground treasure hunt would be awesome. You would need the older sister, and her boyfriend, to supervise, sure. So let’s have Selena Gomez and, oh, I don’t know, how about Jacob Artist, Puck’s younger brother from Glee. If things go wrong in the caves, they could sing a duet. And then we need four kids. Maybe some unknowns? Except I can’t fantasy dream-cast unknowns, now can I? So if I have to pick some new Goonies, some misfits who grow to shine, then I nominate Maisie Williams, Elle Fanning, Quvenzhané Wallis, and Piper Curda. If you don’t know who any of those people are, then Google them. Man, you really do need to go with unknowns for this one. My wife was right. I should have dream-casted “Stand By Me” instead.
7) City Slickers
Starring: Tina Fey, Julia Roberts, and Wanda Sykes
Do you understand what I just said? Tina Fey, Julia Roberts, and Wanda Sykes become cowgirls and talk about their mid-life crises. I don’t think I need to say anything else. Except this: instead of grizzled old Jack Palance, grizzled old Maggie Smith! You know, with awesome hats and stuff.
8) Fight Club
Starring: Natalie Portman and Angelina Jolie
Man. I was tempted to cast Melissa McCarthy in Brad Pitt’s role, because how funny would that be, to see her aggressively trying to get Natalie Portman to fight her? Right? But that would severely change the tone of the movie, so I went with Angelina Jolie, because not only can she do tough and terrifying, but she is married to Brad, so he could give her tips. And Natalie would blow Ed Norton’s part away. It would be awesome. Even though, if you cast Jennifer Aniston, I bet a lot more people would come to watch her fight with Angelina.
9) Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure
Starring: Emma Watson and Sarah Hyland
Sarah Hyland has proven time and time again on “Modern Family” that she can brilliantly play an empty-headed teenager, so she is the perfect Ted. The Keanu Reeves of our time. And Emma Watson can play an American teen, plus wouldn’t it be great to see miss smarty-pants Hermione Granger struggling to pronounce “Beethoven?” This is a match made in heaven.
10) Star Wars
Starring: Amber Heard, Zoe Saldana, Kerry Washington, Melissa McCarthy, Judi Dench, and Meryl Streep
If you wanted to cast a female Luke Skywalker, who would you choose? He’s young, whiny, and blonde, and yet this actress needs to exist in a sci-fi universe and be able to act with enough emotion to pull off the sequels. I’m going with Amber Heard for this role, after much discussion and consideration. She may not whine much, but after seeing her in Zombieland and Pineapple Express, I think she just might make a decent young Jedi in training. Han Solo is another iconic role that I’ve given a lot of thought to, but this one is actually easier. It has to be Zoe Saldana. She is in every sci-fi movie these days anyway, and she has the swagger to pull it off. I also have this vision of a very classy Kerry Washington as C-3PO trying to have a conversation with Melissa McCarthy as R2-D2, where Melissa McCarthy is just yelling “Boop boop beeep! Whistle whistle ding beep!” at Kerry Washington. Perhaps not the road that you want to take to keep the gravitas, but could we at least get an internet video of them doing that at Comic Con or something? Ben Kenobi’s female counterpart needs to have age and wisdom on her side, as well as an air of “I thought we were done with this” about her. How about Judi Dench, who did something similar in the past few 007 movies? And for Darth Vader, well, there is only one woman alive who could pull off Darth Vader, and that is the woman who could literally play any part in any movie at any time and make it awesome. Meryl Streep. That’s right. Darth Streep. Oh, and I guess I should cast Princess Leia too. I mean Prince Leia. I mean Prince Leo. I mean Prince Leonardo DiCaprio.