Chocolate Fury

You know, I do try to be a good parent most of the time.  When my kids do something that they maybe shouldn’t have been doing, I try to talk to them about it without screaming in their faces in a furious rage.  And sometimes I succeed.  This is not a story about one of those times.

As some of you may know, we have a new puppy in the house, and, as others of you may know, dogs are not supposed to eat chocolate.  Now, I have not done any research on this myself, so maybe it is just a old husband’s tale, but I have heard my whole life that chocolate is poisonous to dogs.  And that bigger dogs might be able to eat a little bit of it, but smaller dogs, like, say, little 6 lb. puppies, could even die from eating chocolate.  And this was my full working knowledge of dogs and chocolate last week when I walked into the kids’ room and saw the dog eating very leftover Easter candy that had been left on the floor.

“RUBY!” I shouted in a panic.  “WHY IS THERE CHOCOLATE ON THE FLOOR!” I screeched, very unhelpfully.  “Chocolate is poisonous to dogs!”  Ruby, being Ruby, burst into tears and become immediately unable to act or function in any way.  She had been cleaning her closet, in order to be helpful and make her parents happy, and something had gone horribly wrong.  Now her parent was yelling at her with wide and wild eyes, and she was being accused of attempted dogicide.  After more screaming from me, she managed to scoop up all of the rest of the chocolate that had not yet been eaten, and ran off, while I held the dog and tried unsuccessfully to scoop gooey brown poison out of her mouth.

Once Ruby had come back, hands empty, I put the dog down and told her that I was sorry that I had yelled at her, but that it was very important that she not leave any chocolate on the floor, and that she really did need to finish cleaning her closet.  Then I walked into the hallway and glanced into my bedroom, where I saw the dog sitting on my bed, eating the rest of chocolate.

Cue explosion number two.  “RUBY!”  Now I was twice as mad.  “WHY WOULD YOU PUT ALL OF THE CHOCOLATE ON MY BED?!”  More shouting.  More yelling.  More scooping and cleaning and crying and sobbing.  I was close to being in a full on rage, so I told her to clean it up and I took the dog downstairs to remove myself from the situation.

Edward was standing over by the microwave crying.  “Daddy, I spilled!” he said.  And then I saw it.  Having only been downstairs for three seconds, the dog was already in the kitchen, lapping something off of the floor.  More chocolate.  Edward had, apparently, decided to make himself some hot chocolate without asking anyone, and then dumped the entire contents onto a pile of important papers that had been left on the dishwasher.  Once all of my documents had been soaked beyond repair with hot chocolate, the rest of the liquid had cascaded onto the floor, where the dog was now eagerly slurping it up.

That was it.  Poor Edward got the brunt of everything that had just been happening.  I was in a chocolate fury, now fully convinced that the dog was going to immediately die, and told my son in no uncertain terms that he had better go to his room and stay there forever if he wanted to continue to enjoy this earthly existence.  And I said this as loudly as possible.  I took the dog outside, just kind of waiting to see what was going to happen.  Was she going to keel over?  Would she explode?  Would large amounts of stuff start spewing out of either or both of her ends?

In the end, nothing happened.  The dog is fine.  My papers are not fine, but they are just papers.  And I had to sit down and have a long talk with my kids, apologizing for losing my temper.  I panicked.  I freaked out.  I lost it.  It happens.  In fact, my kids do it all the time!  But I am supposed to be setting the example of not doing it.  I told them this, and we all hugged it out.  I still feel bad about it, but I will try to learn and grow from this experience.  And also, no one is ever getting any candy ever again.  They are getting dog bones in their next Easter basket.

Posted in Anger, Chocolate, Dogs, Edward, Parenting, Ruby.

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