There are substitutes for many things in life, but time is not one of them. There is no way to make up for lost time, despite our constant attempts. How often we try to recreate a moment, only to finally realize, “I guess you had to be there.” There simply is nothing that can replace […]
Category Archives: Children
This Is It
Well, after 8 1/2 years of it, things are about to change. This is it. Tomorrow, Edward will start kindergarten, even as Ruby moves up to 3rd grade, and my life will never be the same. From 8 AM to 3 PM I will have no children to take care of. This is monumental. Today, […]
Fare Thee Well, Sweet Wife
Oh wife. It is I, husband. Today you take your leave of us, as you travel to far off New Hampshire to finish your master’s degree. We are all so very proud of you, but I hope it is not selfish of me to say that I wish it were not so. Do not confuse […]
Random Things On Your Head: The Unintentional Legacy of Laurie Berkner
We have a go-to song in our family for when we want to induce head-based silliness. A good time is guaranteed for all, simply by singing out “So-and-so’s got a ____ on their head (x3), and they keep it there all day!” It works for things that may have already accidentally landed on someone’s head […]
The Mystery of the Boy with the Popsicle
Once we had found the great white whale of summer, it was hard to unfind it. Apparently a parking lot full of excited children was not an easy temptation to resist, so that darn ice cream truck has been frequenting our neighborhood ever since I inadvertently lured it right into the heart of Kiddie Shangri-La. […]
A Real American Hero, Rolling to the Rescue
After our movie screening on Saturday, as I tried vainly to clean my house for my big party the following evening, I was beset by my mother. She had, unbeknownst to me, decided to stay the rest of the day at my house with her various small children. Luckily her young minions know how to […]
Why I Stopped Saying I Was Fat
If the scientists of the world came together in the lab and worked for years to create a kind of sponge-mirror, both perfectly absorbing and reflective, they would, at the end of it all, have wasted their time, because it would have been far quicker to just have a child. Any parent will tell you […]
A Quick Plunge Over a Tall Cliff
I was not going to be late this time. My wife and daughter were jumping into the icy lake at 11:00 sharp. I was home with the boy, and we were going to be out the door at 10:30, and no later. I looked at my watch at 10:35 and shouted “Edward! Get your stuff […]
What I Give Up Breakfast For
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. That’s what the cereal commercials told me. I can’t do my best if I don’t eat a good breakfast, right? Ah ha! That explains it! I have discovered the cause of all of my failures in life. All of the unmet potential can be traced back […]
How to Pick the Shows Your Kids Watch
So it’s finally happened. You’ve had children and now they want to watch television. But what to watch?! There are so many kids’ shows out there these days, and if you go in blind you might accidentally end up watching (shudder) Caillou. No, this is your first chance to guide your children’s pop culture preferences, […]