It can’t be just a series of random coincidences and accidental happenstance. It has to be planned. At this point, I can only come to the conclusion that my children are actively trying to drive me crazy. How else can you explain their maddening behavior? Just a few minutes ago, Edward came running into the […]
Category Archives: Children
Kids Make No Sense
I want you to take a moment this morning and just look at your child. What are they doing? How are they doing it? And is it possible that there is some sort of brain in there controlling things? Or are there several competing brains, each struggling for domination? Or perhaps no brain at all, […]
Trapped in the Bog of Eternal Stench
I’m not going to tell you exactly what happened this morning. You don’t need to know. It’s the proverbial T.M.I. that you always hear people talk too much about. Suffice it to say that I woke up in a puddle of circumstances too dire to describe, and I have had to cancel my day in […]
The Disappointment of Meeting Expectations
“Meets Expectations.” Is there anything more frustratingly disappointing than that? I mean, at least if something fails to meet the expectations you can feel good about feeling bad, right? But if something does exactly what it is supposed to do, why does that feel like such a let down? Have we been conditioned to want […]
Don’t Take Your Kids To Important Negotiations
“Ok, kids!” we said on Saturday morning. “Who wants to go test drive some new cars?!” This was the most exciting thing that had ever happened to either of our children. This made them turn off the TV and put their coats and boots on in a timely fashion. This made them jump up and […]
Forced Into a Life of Piracy
“You’re a good Dad,” my wife texted yesterday, in response to my complaints. “Thanks,” I replied, “but I would like to go back to actually being a Dad, and not an evil pirate.” It all started a year, month, week or so ago, when I was trying to get Edward to eat his dinner. Edward does […]
An Open Apology to the Guy Behind Me in Line at K-Mart
Out of all of my lifelong regrets, my biggest and most prominent ones are the instances in which I accidentally upset someone with something I did or said, most likely because I was either trying unsuccessfully to be funny, or because I was just not thinking about what was coming out of my mouth until […]
Childhood Amnesia
I have always been amazed by my daughter’s ability to remember stories and details from events that I can barely recall myself. I find myself saying “Oh yeahhhhh…” on a regular basis when she reminds me about a party that we went to three years ago, and what shirt I was wearing to it. But […]
It Was the Best of Kids, It Was the Worst of Kids
He wanted to play outside, so I decided to bring my lunch down to the courtyard and watch him run around while I ate my food in the chilly winter air. I had gotten a lovely sandwich from the deli on the corner, along with some Cheetos that I was determined to keep a secret […]
I’ll Fix It By Making It Worse!
When you think about it, I am a lot like Santa Claus. I live up north with my wife and we have small helpers that are obsessed with toys. But unlike ol’ St. Nick, our helpers do not actually fix things or make them better. Especially the three year old helper. He likes to fix […]