How I Almost Got Beaten Up

So for those of you who don’t know, I, like many singers, have a small problem with reflux.  I also have some post nasal drip issues that I will not get into here, and when you combine these things with my allergies, well, let’s just say that I tend to clear my throat a lot.  I think it’s less now than it used to be, and I’m working on it constantly, as I am sure it is not good for my voice, but it is what it is.  I’ve been doing it since I was in elementary school, and I have tried diet, medication, and pretty much everything else, to no avail.  Sometimes I just have to clear my throat.

So anyway, I was out to dinner with my new friend Sandrew Auvageau, and we were having all you can eat ribs at Sonny’s BBQ.  As we were finishing our meal, an extremely large gentleman lumbered over and placed his hands on our table as he loomed over us.  Just so you have an accurate picture of this man, he had an 80’s moustache, was wearing a shirt with no sleeves, and his arms had more muscles than my entire body put together.  He was, in a word, terrifying.  At first I thought he was going to ask for money or something

He said, “Hey gentlemen, I’m just trying to eat my dinner over here, but someone at this table is hacking, and my friend and I are trying to enjoy our meal.  Do you understand me?”  Now, at this point I was just staring at him and not saying anything, so he said again, “I’m trying to enjoy my meal.  Do you understand me?“

“We’re actually just waiting for our check, so we’ll be gone in a minute,” I said, trying not squeak in a frightened manner.

“Well, I’m going to go back and enjoy my dinner.  I hope you understand me,” he said in a very threatening way, and he turned to leave.  That was when my friend Sandrew decided to give him the finger.  Luckily, he noticed at the last second that the man’s friend was staring at us, and he managed to turn his finger raising into some other more benign gesture in the nick of time.

I tried very hard not to hack anything in bigfoot’s direction, but only out of pure fear.  We paid our bill and left quickly, not stopping to look behind us.  Sandrew assured me that I had only cleared my throat 3 or 4 times during the meal, and it had not been in a particularly offensive manner, but I still felt a little bad that I had almost gotten us killed.  I am not kidding when I say that one wrong move, and I think we would have been receiving beatings in the parking lot.

In other news, I’m not eating at that Sonny’s anymore, and I’m going to start working out.