Limerick Parables

So I was in church the other day and my choir buddy took issue with me writing a limerick about the choir director on my bulletin.  The issue was not with the poem itself, for it was in perfectly good taste, but he told me “Jesus didn’t write limericks.”  Now this got me thinking: what if Jesus DID write limericks?  What would they have been like?  I mean, Jesus did not speak English, and did not, in fact, speak most of the languages into which his words are translated.  No, his words have been changed so that others may understand them, and this is good thing.  So why not the “language” of limericks?  I now present to you (absolutely no disrespect intended), Limerick Parables: The Words of Jesus Translated Into Popular Verse.

1) There once was a man with malaria.
Who fell down, I think over there, ya?
The Levite and priest
Didn’t help in the least.
Thank God for that dude from Samaria.

2) There once was a brother, so bad.
Got an early cash-out from his Dad.
Well he lost his whole half,
But Dad killed the fat calf.
And this made the good brother mad.

3) There once was a guy with some sheep
Who lost one when he was asleep.
He left ninety-nine
To go out and find
The lost one.  Now isn’t that deep?

4) There once was a man with some food.
So a banquet was planned.  What a dude!
But his friends wouldn’t come
So he fed all the bums
And gave none to his friends that were rude.

5) There once was a pearl of great price,
And this one guy was like “Oh, that’s nice!”
All of his stuff he sold
To get enough gold
For the pearl.  Hope he checked with his wifes.

6) A man went and planted some seeds,
But this other jerk mixed in some weeds.
So they both grew up tall
Until early that fall.
Guess which one burns and which one feeds?

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  1. Oh man… if he had a problem with your limerick, he’d have hated to be near us in church back in HS. I looked forward to church every week because we had so much stinking fun. lol.

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