Maybe is the New Yes

Ahhhhhh, maybe.  That magical word that lives in the nether realms between yes and no, and which always means one or the other and you know it.  To paraphrase a great Jedi master I once knew, “Yes or yes not.  There is no maybe.”  ‘Maybe’ is a code word that, as far as I knew growing up, actually meant ‘no.’  Cousin to such phrases as ‘we’ll see,’ and ‘I’ll think about it,’ ‘maybe’ was a way of letting people know that there was no way in Hellman’s your thing was happening.

“Can we go to McDonald’s today?”
“Maybe.”

“Can we go to McDonald’s tonight?”
“We’ll see.”

“Can we pleeeeeease go to McDonald’s tomorrow?”
“I’ll think about it.”

You kept asking after every ‘maybe’ because you knew what it meant.  It meant ‘no.’  But now, in my house, there has been a Maybe Renaissance.  ‘Maybe’ is back in a big way, thanks to my four-year-old, and it has a whole new meaning.  If you don’t know the code you are apt to think he is being obstinate or belligerent, and he sure is much of the time, but when he says ‘maybe’ he doesn’t mean ‘no.’  He means ‘yes.’

“Edward, do you want apple juice with your dinner?”
“Mayyyyyyyybeeeeeeeee…..”

I don’t even think about it anymore.  I just pour the juice.  I know what he means.  And if you question him on it, he will become upset.

“Okay, well you need to decide.  Do you want the juice or not?”
“I.   SAID.       MAYBEEEEEEEEEEE!” (cue the smoke coming out of his ears as his Yosemite Sam mustache twirls in circles around his beet red face)

This was very confusing to me at first because, as you know unless you just started reading this post right here in the middle instead of starting at the beginning like a normal person, previously ‘maybe’ always meant ‘no.’  When he would tell me that maaaaaaaybe he wanted to watch Curious George, I would go right into my default mode and assume that he was politely telling me that he did not want to watch it, and doing it in a way that would get me to leave him alone.  That’s how my parents did it, dammit!  That’s how my grandparents did it!  That’s how I do it!  But it is not, as it turns out, how my son does it.

So I have to act as his translator now.  When people ask him things, like “did you go to school today?” I have to explain to them that his ‘maybe’ is really just a synonym for ‘yes.’  It is a little jarring and can take some getting used to.  I guess most of the rest of the world thinks of ‘maybe’ as a ‘no’ as well.  But it’s not.  Being non-committal no longer signifies a way of stalling until you can get out of something.  It no longer is a way to blow people off.  It’s not as close to a lie as you can get without actually lying.  No my friends, things have changed.  Adjust your worldviews.  Prepare to be a little more positive.  Because in case you hadn’t heard yet, ‘maybe’ is the new ‘yes.’