The Trouble With Parents and Experts

As a baby, we rely on our parents for everything.  As a toddler we trust that they are infallible.  When we go off to school we transfer this invulnerability of thought to our teachers as our parents become imperfect morons.  Then we turn into teenagers and our teachers are just as dumb as our parents.  The only people we trust are the “experts.”  Maybe the expert is a scientist, or maybe they are a world class skateboarder and/or Katy Perry, but we find people that we trust.  Finally that trust is shattered or, at the very least, shaken, so we trust no one.  No one but ourselves.

This is the trouble with parents and experts.  They are not us.  Yeah, they say that I should not put my finger in the outlet, but how do I really know it’s a bad idea?  I can’t.  Not 100% for really real sure.  And yeah, you can tell me a thousand times to floss my teeth, and show me terrifying gum disease models, but that’s not me, man!  Those aren’t my teeth!  That will never happen to me!  Suck it, floss!

We are born alone, we die alone, and every single thing we experience, even in a group, we experience alone.  Relying on the experiences of others sure would be a time saver in terms of learning things, but how can we?!  How can anyone have ever loved as hard I have, and despaired so bitterly?  How can anyone truly know me?  I barely know me, and I am me!  So when you tell me that I will make it through 7th grade, simply because you made it through, well, stop talking to me!  I hate you!  *SLAM!*

And, of course, the real problem with other people is that they are sometimes wrong.  I am sometimes wrong.  You are sometimes wrong.  Parents and experts may have a higher chance of being right about vegetable eating and global warming, but sometimes they are wrong too.  Remember when sugar was bad for you?  And then it was fat.  They made fake sugar, but that is bad for you too.  Then carbs were bad for you.  Now gluten is bad for you, but fat is okay again.  Don’t get me started on cholesterol.  Can I eat it, or not?  What is good cholesterol?!  You people are all insane!

So I eat what I want.  My body knows that only eating pints of Phish Food for a week will make me sick, and not because someone else told me.  I can figure out what works and what doesn’t.  But wouldn’t it be easier to use the vast sum of collected human knowledge to live my life in a better way?  So many lives have been lived, and so many mistakes have been made, that one would think we could compile this data into a perfect life guidebook.  Money doesn’t make you happy.  All politicians are lying.  Get enough sleep.  What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.  Never get involved in a land war in Asia.  It would all be there in the book.  We could all live superlatively blissful lives!

But we can’t.  Life has to be lived on its own terms.  We are all different, and no one set of rules can ever work for all people, no matter how hard we try to force everyone into the pegboard.  I’m going to keep making mistakes, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.  I really wish there were.

Posted in Children, Food, Life, Parenting.

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