Things I Have Learned About Monsters

As if I needed any more problems with getting my son to sleep, now he is scared of monsters.  Now, as far as I knew, the only monsters that Edward was aware of are the kind that eat cookies and/or hug people a lot, but apparently there is a lot that he knows, and I did not know, about monsters.  Luckily I have received some on-the-job training in this department, and here is what I have learned:

1) Monsters can come through the roof.

2) Monsters have sharp claws.

3) Some of the favorite things that monsters like to claw are blankies, beds, and the faces of young boys.

4) Monsters are very scared of teddy bears.

5) Sisters can often be confused with monsters.

6) If you lock the window, monsters cannot get in.  If you think that this is contradictory to #1, you clearly do not know anything about monsters.

7) Monsters are really, really big.

8) Captain Hook is friends with the monsters, and sometimes he comes into our house with them and they play games.

9) There was a scary monster once on “Martha Speaks.”

10) Monsters want to bite my son.

There were probably more things that I learned, but I have to admit that after a while, I just wanted the boy to go to sleep.  So we surrounded him with teddy bears for protection and locked the window, just to be sure.  And he fell asleep, and the next night he was slightly less scared.  Slightly.  Job well done.

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