Sound the trumpets! Alert the Media! Throwback Thursday has returned! Today is the day (it only comes around once every seven!) on which we take the time to remember how wonderful things used to be, and how great everything was. You know. Back when everything was good.
Of course sometimes we are wrong about that. Did you know that memories are just about the least accurate way to remember something? Your brain takes emotions, fudges the facts around a bit, and somehow comes up with an acceptable reason for why “Full House” was a palatable show. But guess what! It wasn’t. Full House was a terrible show. I have no idea if the new sequel show “Fuller House” will also be terrible, but I know for a fact that “Full House” was the worst. I know this because I loved it.
Like many things I loved as a child, I have gone back as an adult to revisit “Full House,” and, like many things I loved as a child, this was a huge mistake. Children do not have such discerning tastes, as it turns out. I should have known this from watching my own children wolf down episodes of Caillou and Barney, but surely I was different! I would never have loved something so lousy! Everything I loved as a child was legitimately good! So good that it deserves its own weekday to celebrate it!
I could not even get through one episode of “Full House” as an adult. It may have been the worst show ever made. For years I watched it religiously, like all the other T.G.I.F. comedies, and I lapped it up. I said the catchphrases. I cared about the characters. I laughed at the jokes. I drank the Kool-Aid. Imagine my horror when I tried to watch an episode post-puberty. Now it is ruined, and all of those happy memories of loving that show are tainted by the knowledge that it was pure drivel. And even worse is the knowledge that I had no taste as a kid! Think of the implications!
Yes, some things I once loved are actually still good, and I am proud to share them with my children. “The Princess Bride,” “Ghostbusters,” “Duck Tales,” and many other things that were once good, still actually are. Phew. But so many more of them are not! I ruined “Thundercats” by watching a few episodes! “Thundercats” was the coolest show! Or, as it turns out, I was an idiot. Who knows what else I might have incorrectly adored?! And here is the worst part: sometimes my wife and I will put in a movie that we once loved, realize what is happening, exchange looks of frightened sadness, and then notice that our kids are loving it just as much as we did once! Can’t they see that it is not good?! We are perpetrating the same crime against our children, and they too will someday learn that the things they like now actually suck! And some of them were recommended by their parents! Ack!
People. Not everything needs to be remembered. Sometimes we should host a “Throw-It-Back Thursday,” just for warning each other not to revisit certain things, lest their memories crumble to dusty sludge in the corners of our mind. Someone needs to stop us before we ruin all of our good childhood memories with too much light of day! And then, the rest of the time, we can still talk about what was, and still is, good. My family just started watching “Gargoyles” together, and that show is still fantastic. The kids both keep asking about it, and we’re having a great time. I can heartily recommend that one. But please, are there other things that don’t hold up that I need to know about?! On this “Throw-It-Back Thursday,” I ask you to warn me. What have you rediscovered, to your own sorrow? The world needs to know. Before it’s too late.