Yesterday, as you know, was St. Patrick’s Day. I know you know this, because you either planned ahead and wore green, or you did not wear any green and then were mercilessly pinched all day by all the other festive jackholes who did. Yes, a little pinching for the non-begreeners has long been a tradition in […]
Category Archives: Car
A Real American Hero, Rolling to the Rescue
After our movie screening on Saturday, as I tried vainly to clean my house for my big party the following evening, I was beset by my mother. She had, unbeknownst to me, decided to stay the rest of the day at my house with her various small children. Luckily her young minions know how to […]
I Wish The Car Had Not Hit Me…
We turned out of Taekwan-do, ready to get home and eat the dinner that was sitting on the passenger seat. I had to get to choir rehearsal, and Ruby needed to prepare for her play the next morning at school. It was just after 5:30, so traffic was backed up. I drove slowly behind the […]
Home Invasion, Ghost, or Magic?
I was in the kitchen, dicing red peppers for my chili, when it happened. My wife was at work, both children were at school, and I was alone in the house, save for the dog curled up and snoring on the couch. Suddenly, the eerie silence was broken by the rev of a small motor. […]
Watching My Kids Grow Up at the Maryland Renaissance Festival
We went to the Maryland Renaissance Festival for the first time back in 2005. It was awesome. Turkey legs. Fried macaroni and cheese on a stick. Fried everything on a stick! We loved it. So we went back again the next year. I couldn’t find any pictures from 2006, but we have several million from […]
Curly: The Dog Who Pooped All Over Me in the Car
Anna, the Pugpoo Pikachu, is the best advertisement for puppies that one could possibly concoct. Simply walking down the street with her is enough to garner dozens of “ooh”s and “aah”s and, of course, “where did you get that puppy?”s and “are there any more left?”s. I got her from my mother, I would tell […]
Edward Learns to Drive
If you ever want to get Edward a present, just make sure it has wheels on it. Planes, trains, cars, motorcycles, fire trucks, bulldozers, and bicycles are all fair game. And if you want to sweeten the pot, you could make sure the thing actually moves on its own. Pull it backward and let it […]
Buying a Car For Your Teenage Six-Year-Old
When you buy an old car at a low price, you know that it is not a long-term investment. My mother, I assume through her vast network of underworld connections, has somehow managed to purchase a continuing string of vehicles for $500 each. These cars are terrible. Sometimes the wheels fall off on the highway […]
You Never Quite Get Over Your First Love (Even When it Ends Badly)
Perhaps it is my father’s fault, for loving so fiercely that I couldn’t help but be caught up in it all. Or maybe it’s just me, and I would have loved the same, with or without him. But my first love, and my eternal true love, was a bright red 1991 Mazda 323. It was […]
Don’t Take Your Kids To Important Negotiations
“Ok, kids!” we said on Saturday morning. “Who wants to go test drive some new cars?!” This was the most exciting thing that had ever happened to either of our children. This made them turn off the TV and put their coats and boots on in a timely fashion. This made them jump up and […]