Ruby is six. Edward is three. This weekend she tried to teach him about knock-knock jokes. It went something like this: Ruby: “Knock knock.”Edward: “Who’s there?”Ruby: “Banana.”Edward: “Banana who?”Ruby: “Knock knock.”Edward: “BANANA WHO!”Ruby: “No Edward, you say who’s there!”Edward: “I SAID BANANA WHO!”Me: “Ruby, I don’t think Edward knows enough about knock-knock jokes to do […]
Category Archives: Children
Note to My Future Self On the Day My Kids Move Out
Hello Future Tenor Dad. It’s me. Tenor Dad from the distant past. I am writing this because you are probably feeling sad and nostalgic today. Ruby is going off to college. Or perhaps Edward is finally getting his own apartment. I’m not there, so I don’t know why you are reading this. But whatever the […]
I Traded My Children For Puppies
I was not aware that I had traded my children for dogs, but I woke up one morning and it had just happened. Two young dogs came scampering down the stairs, barking and trying to lick me. I explained that this was very gross and they had better not do that anymore. “Woof,” they said. […]
Gypsies, Nomads, and a Firm Foundation
I was born in Connecticut almost three dozen years ago to a baptist minister and a professional “minister’s wife.” We lived there until I was almost two and then left for New Hampshire where my father had been transferred. My earliest memories are of that house in New Hampshire, and we stayed there until I […]
The Crayola Crayon Factory
There are some places on Earth that kids are just drawn to. The kids see or hear about a place and immediately know that they must get there somehow, because it looks and seems so exciting and awesome. They may suggest it to their parents, or perhaps they may simply dream and plan the trip […]
The Unresolved Sexual Tension of Children’s Television
Romantic tension is an integral part of many great television shows. Watching characters that are clearly perfect for each other slowly dance their way into each other’s arms over several seasons can be a real joy, or a terrible frustration. But there is no denying that it is compelling. Jim and Pam. Lois and Clark. […]
Would You Rather…?
One of the most important things for any parent to know is the schedules and locations of any restaurant where kids eat free within a fifty mile radius of their house. The closest and most popular place for my personal family is Denny’s. Tuesday nights. Kids eat free. We go there a lot. Not as […]
Driving Home From an Audition
Man. What happened to all the Twizzlers? I wish there were more in the bag and less in my stomach. I’m not feeling sick or anything, I just wish I wasn’t so far along in the process of eating the entire bag. Having Twizzlers in my stomach is not the good part. The good part […]
So Many Fall Festivals
It is now autumn in Vermont. This means that every weekend there is some sort of harvest festival, apple-fest, fall-fest, or solstestival. These things include apple everything, maple everything, and hay everything. And we, like everyone else in the state, go to all of them. Last weekend we went to an orchard in Shelburne, VT […]
Kids Tell All Your Secrets
Kids do not have the socially appropriate filter that adults not related to me generally have. They don’t know that some things ought not to be said, even if they are true. For instance, my friend Bleric is visiting us at the moment, and we took him to the Ben & Jerry’s factory yesterday, and […]