Driving Home From an Audition

Man.  What happened to all the Twizzlers?  I wish there were more in the bag and less in my stomach.  I’m not feeling sick or anything, I just wish I wasn’t so far along in the process of eating the entire bag.  Having Twizzlers in my stomach is not the good part.  The good part is the transferal process.  That’s what I need to keep happening.  I need Twizzlers to be constantly in a state of moving from the bag to my stomach, with my mouth reaping all the benefits.

But now I have gone and eaten most of the Twizzlers.  There’s only one left.  Well, there might be two left.  I may have dropped one when I was blindly yanking on them before.  Could it be under the seat?  If it’s under the seat, I’m not going to be able to eat it until I get home.  Eating Twizzlers while driving is hard enough; there’s no way I can get them from under the seat.  And I don’t even know if there is one under the seat.  That may just be wishful thinking.  There may only be one left.

So if I eat the last Twizzler, then that will be it.  They will be all gone.  I mean, I guess I could always stop at the next rest area and buy more, but eating two whole bags of Twizzlers by myself seems a bit excessive, no matter how well I think I did at my audition.  Plus, is that really a reward?  Wouldn’t it be a better reward to myself to not eat large bags of candy, thus not getting super fat and feeling sick?  Ah, consequences.  Why do so many wonderful things have such non-wonderful consequences?  That seems to be one of the main failings of this world.  But back to the Twizzler.

I could eat it.  Then I would be done with them and not have to worry about them anymore (unless there is one under the seat…).  But on the other hand, if I don’t eat it, then there will still be one more left, so if I feel like a Twizzler later there will be one available.  Although if I feel like eating one later, and there is only one left, will I be sad?  Will I wish there were two or three left?  Can one lonely Twizzler really quench my desire?  Yeah, I’d better just eat it now and be done with it.

Mmmmm.  Yes.  This is the good part.  The part where I am biting the Twizzler, and I can taste it, and I can feel my teeth chewing it.  I wish this part could just continue forever.  But life is fleeting, and so is candy.  Nothing lasts forever.  Edward is in pre-school.  Ruby lost her first tooth.  How is that possible?  It’s moving too fast.  I want to go back to fun times that we’ve already had and live them over again.  I want a pause button.  I want time to bend to my will, so that I can move back and forth through it, fluidly and easily, picking the best moments of my life, and my children’s lives, and experiencing them over and over again.  I want to skip all of the bad parts, and the boring parts, and the painful parts.  Only wonderful things.  All of the firsts.  All of the birthdays.  All of the Christmases.  All of the Thanksgivings.  Except that one where everyone was sick.  I would skip that one.  You can’t eat turkey if you’re sick.

I could eat some Turkey right now.  Or anything really.  I’ll just have a…

Rats.  I’m out of Twizzlers.

Maybe there’s one under the seat…