Note to My Future Self On the Day My Kids Move Out

Hello Future Tenor Dad.  It’s me.  Tenor Dad from the distant past.  I am writing this because you are probably feeling sad and nostalgic today.  Ruby is going off to college.  Or perhaps Edward is finally getting his own apartment.  I’m not there, so I don’t know why you are reading this.  But whatever the reason, I wanted to offer you a little comfort, and a reminder.

Right now, being the sentimental old fool that we are, you are most likely reminiscing about those magical days of yesteryear, when the kids were little and everything was fun and wonderful.  You recall the family trips, the school pictures, the bedtime stories, and the cuddles on the couch.  You desperately wish for just one more day with your little kids, but they have grown up, and where does the time go, and blah diddy blah blah blah.  Well, cut it out.  If you want to trade, I’m currently willing and available.

Yesterday I read Edward four bedtimes stories, and after this magical moment he hit me over the head with one of them and refused to go to sleep.  I tried to cuddle him on the couch, but he bashed me in the mouth with his head and made my lip bleed.  Sure, he’s adorable, but he crawls into our bed every night, kicks his mother out (by 3 am last night she ended up sleeping in his bed) and then proceeded to sleep sideways for the rest of the night, his twitching foot-claws constantly stabbing and poking me.  I’ll bet he does not do that any more in your time period.

And Ruby spends all of her free time trying to antagonize Edward while I am not looking and then hoping he gets blamed for his retaliation.  She is a devious one.  Every time something happens that she does not like, she collapses into a puddle of tears and misery and remains there until either Edward does something to bother her, or Edward does something that she suddenly wants to do and so she must stop him from doing it.  I don’t know if they still do that, but I hope you have solved this problem by now.

I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in years.  My standards of domestic cleanliness have taken a drastic nosedive, so that I can look at a floor I would have once called a disaster and think “Well, at least there’s no food on it…”  Walking around the house is like dancing through a minefield.  Even when the carpets look clean, there are traps hidden everywhere with toys ready to spring out from the walls and slip under your bare foot at the last possible second.  It’s like living in the Temple of Doom.

In fact, I often reminisce about the good old days when the kids were even younger!  Ruby is in first grade!  My baby is growing up!  I can’t carry her around like an infant anymore.  She doesn’t say hilariously misprounounced and uninformed things quite as often.  Remember how great it was a few years ago?  Except, it wasn’t so great.  It was life.  Back then I had to change diapers.  Back then I had to wash 47 onesies a day.  Back then I fondly recalled the days before we had any kids!  I used to go to the movies every weekend!  I used to eat at restaurants that had menus with no pictures!  I used to have disposable income!  I used to have it good!

My point is, life is hard, at any stage.  Our selective memories slowly erase all of the diaper explosions and hissy fits at the mall.  We lose all of the sleepless nights and keep the magical moments that you are no doubt missing at this very moment.  But you don’t really want to be back here, any more than I really want the kids to be babies again.  Enjoy this new phase of your life, because it will have some sad parts and some bad parts, but you will get to discover all of the new magic that could only come from this upcoming era.  Say goodbye to the kids, but call them all the time on your holographic brain wave device, and take some time to explore what good things are coming your way.  Take a nap.  Have a fancy dinner.  Go to the movies.

They still have movies, right?

Posted in Children, Edward, Parenting, Ruby, The Future.

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