Edward is turning four tomorrow. He is very excited about it and has a very specific list of presents that he would like. In case any of you are wanting to send him a gift, here is a collection of his demands.
1) A Snort
Edward’s favorite book at the moment is “Are You My Mother?” by P.D. Eastman. In this classic story a baby bird ultimately mistakes a large backhoe for its mother, and it calls this large piece of machinery a “snort,” due to the snorting sound that it makes. More than anything, Edward would like a snort. And not a small little toy snort, like the ones I showed him in the toy store. No, he wants an actual snort that he can get in, drive around, and scoop birds up with. Please do not send this to him.
2) A Blue Truck
A blue truck.
3) A Green Truck
A green truck.
4) A Red Truck
A red truck.
5) An Actual Truck
Actually, what he really wants is one of those motorized monster truck Power Wheels like they have at Toys R Us. Please do not send this to him.
6) A Pirate Ship
I think he wants Bucky, the ship from Jake and the Neverland Pirates. Although he has a big Bucky that he can play in, so I’m not sure what he’s looking for on this one. Maybe a bathtub version to go with the Captain Hook’s Jolly Roger bathtub boat that he has? Maybe that big toy one with the crocodile that pops out of the bottom? He needs to be more specific on this one. Or, more likely, he just wants all of the things.
7) A Big Bubble Machine
Ruby: “You mean like a lawnmower bubble machine?”
Edward: “No, I mean a BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG bubble machine!”
Ruby: “But Edward, the lawnmower bubble machine is the biggest bubble machine there is!”
Edward: “NO! BIGGER!”
8) Gum
The rule in our house is: no chewing gum until you are four. He cannot wait for tomorrow.
9) A Dog
DO NOT SEND THIS TO HIM.
10) All of the Powers of Galactus
Galactus is a world-devouring, planet-eating, nigh-omnipotent cosmic entity that travels through space leaving death and destruction in his wake. Please do not send this to him.
11) Anything That Ruby Has
If his sister has it, he wants it too. But the thing is, we already have one. Please do not send this to him.
12) A Rocket Ship
If you are thinking of a toy rocket ship, this would be a fine present. If you are thinking of a toy rocket ship that contains jet fuel and/or flies on its own, we might need to talk. If you are thinking of an actual rocket ship that flies into space and docks at the international space station, please do not send this to him.
I hope this list was helpful. It changes every day, and he keeps adding new things to it, but it should be good for at least another 24 hours, which will be his Birthday, and I’m not letting him add new things to the list after that.