Don’t Take Your Kids To Important Negotiations

“Ok, kids!” we said on Saturday morning.  “Who wants to go test drive some new cars?!” This was the most exciting thing that had ever happened to either of our children.  This made them turn off the TV and put their coats and boots on in a timely fashion.  This made them jump up and […]

The 5 Most Annoying Things to Buy

We’ve all been there.  Trying to buy one small item, and stuck at the back of a line of the slowest, most obnoxious people imaginable.  These people (probably) are not trying to ruin your day, or make you late for something.  They are (probably) fine human beings with families that love them, and they may […]

An Open Apology to the Guy Behind Me in Line at K-Mart

Out of all of my lifelong regrets, my biggest and most prominent ones are the instances in which I accidentally upset someone with something I did or said, most likely because I was either trying unsuccessfully to be funny, or because I was just not thinking about what was coming out of my mouth until […]

You Can’t Always Get What You Need

Do you know that Rolling Stones song that goes, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find you get what you need?”  So often these days, I’m feeling like it is the opposite.  Every store I go into seems to recite a different version of the same mantra.  […]

The Old Man and the Sink

While shopping with my three-year-old the other day, it became quite apparent that he needed to find a restroom.  His version of the pee-pee dance is to crouch down slightly, as if he is halfway to a football huddle, grab his crotch firmly with both hands, and then run around in a circle over and […]

Why I Accidentally Bought a Blu-Ray Player

I should not be allowed to go shopping for electronics.  There are certain things that my wife should not be allowed to go out shopping for too, and course things you don’t want to send your kids out shopping for (like toys), but when it comes to places you don’t want to let me loose […]

How to Shop With Your Kids

Look, let’s be honest here.  Shopping with kids can be, to put it mildly, a trying experience.  Aside from the fact that they want to buy everything in every store, they also want to push the cart, and ride in the cart, and ride on the cart, and run around like maniacs.  And you can’t […]

Not in Front of the Police

I thought I had finally completed all of the birthday shopping for my wife yesterday, but I was informed by my daughter that she needed to pick out her own present for her mother, so we jumped in the car after lunch and headed off to the store one last time before my wife got […]

What I Like, According to the Mall

As some of you may have noticed, yesterday was Father’s Day.  This day was set aside in the earlier part of the twentieth century as a day when all U.S. citizens would change their Facebook profile pictures to photos of their fathers, and it has become quite successful.  Unfortunately it always falls on the same […]

Go Sit in That Chair! Right Now!

I honestly don’t know what my children have to complain about.  As far as I am concerned, they have it pretty good.  In fact, young Tenor Dad would likely be quite jealous of his future children.  For instance this weekend, when the temperatures were approaching equatorial proportions, we took our two lovely offspring to the […]