Mastering Edwardian Speech

When one lives with an Edward, one is immersed in all things Edwardian. You live in an Edwardian house, noted for their train track covered floors and high pitched shrieking; you eat Edwardian food, mainly hot dogs; and you are well versed in Edwardian fashion, which is to say, constant nudity. But one cannot live in the Edwardian style without picking up a few of the quirks of the language specific to the Edwardian time period. Mastering Edwardian speech is not easy, but I have complied a helpful glossary to assist you in your endeavors to sound authentically Edwardian.

Cheesy – A “cheesy” is a rolled up tortilla filled with melted cheese. Sometimes called a “cheesy burrito,” this favorite Edwardian food item is most often found at Boloco on the kids’ menu. It should be observed that Chipotle does not serve the cheesy, and pulling up to a Chipotle or a Moe’s when you have been asked to procure a cheesy will be met with violent protest.

Clean – The Edwardian definition of “clean” is vastly different from our modern way of thinking. If an Edward were to say that the living room floor were “clean,” it would most likely be covered in toys.

Green Machine – While technically the name of Rumple Station’s car, this has come to mean any green boxy-looking car. “Hey look, the Green Machine!” may be shouted at any green Kia Soul, Toyota Scion, or Nissan Cube, and it is assumed that Rumple is driving them all.

Kit Kat – In Edwardian speech, all cats are named “Kit Kat.”

Me – The confusion of “me” for “I” in Edwardian speech patterns is generally attributed to the influence of Cookie Monster. Me can’t wait for this issue to resolve itself.

Montreal Sticks – This is the Edwardian term for mozzarella sticks. Why they are called Montreal Sticks is anyone’s guess, but if you are speaking to Edward and he asks for Montreal Sticks, he wants a gooey, breaded piece of fried cheese.

Rupa – This is the Edwardian form of the name “Ruby.”

Sour Cream – Cream Cheese. In Edwardian Speech, one asks for a bagel with sour cream, which means cream cheese.

Tubby – A “tubby” is not only a bath, in which one might get clean (in fact, there may be no cleaning going on at all!), but rather a multi-hour watery play session that involves buckets full of toys and takes place in a bathtub. Of note: though a tubby normally starts with the bathtub full of water, it often ends with most of that water on the floor of the bathroom.

Yes – No.

Posted in Bathroom, Boloco, Car, Cheese, Chipotle, Edward, Language, Parenting, Ruby.

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